


You Know You Love Me

by almokyung



Category: EXO (Band), Gossip Girl
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 08:13:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13314105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almokyung/pseuds/almokyung
Summary: Three words, eight letters. Say it, and I'm yours.





	You Know You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for nodtt 2016.

_ Hey, everyone. _

 

_ Have you heard? The one and only Byun Baekhyun is back in town. And he's sporting a new do - his hair is back to its natural black color instead of his signature sunshine blonde, nonetheless looking flawless as ever. Wasn't it just a year ago that he left for - yuck - boarding school? No one knows the reason for his disappearance, and we wonder why he returned. Personally, we think he got kicked out. Looking forward to what our wild child is going to mess up next? I know I am. But still, there's one thing I do wonder about - how is BFF Do Kyungsoo going to feel about this? _

 

"Honey? Kyungsoo? Is everything okay?"

 

Kyungsoo looked up from his phone and looked over to his mother who sat next to him and tried to get his attention.

 

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?" He asked, wearing his best fake smile while sliding his phone into the chest pocket of his suit. 

 

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun had been best friends all their lives - or rather best frenemies. Baekhyun had always been the center of attention, regardless of his actual interest to be in the spotlight, it's something that just came naturally to him while Kyungsoo had to work so hard to be relevant and stay that way. Still, it was quite a shock last year when he couldn't reach his best friend on his phone because the number was no longer in use and his mother informed him that he had left for boarding school. In Connecticut. 

 

Kyungsoo took a sip from his glass of wine as his mother got up to refill her plate.

 

"Baekhyun is back in town," he stated absentmindedly.

 

"Good," began Kim Jongin, who was seated on his right hand side.

 

Jongin was the son of Kim Chinhwa, the CEO of Kim Industries and one of the richest and most powerful men in New York.

 

"Finally something interesting is happening around here," Jongin continued, slouched in his chair.

 

"I need to find Junmyeon." 

 

Kyungsoo got up from his chair and walked towards the living room, where his boyfriend Kim Junmyeon just finished a conversation with his father and his friends.

 

"Hey, you," Junmyeon said, giving him his signature warm smile. 

 

"My room. Now." Kyungsoo commanded, keeping his voice low enough to make sure no one else would hear. 

 

Everyone's parents were at this party and parents could not under any circumstances know that they were dating. They had a very clear rule about not kissing or holding hands or showing any other type of affection towards one another at events like these. 

 

"Is everything ok?" Junmyeon asked as he followed Kyungsoo up the stairs.

 

Kyungsoo didn't respond until they were both in his room, door closed and locked for good measure. Before Junmyeon could even question it, his boyfriend's hands were pulling him close, his lips pressing against his own hard in what seemed like an overbearingly passionate kiss. 

 

"Kyungsoo what are you doing?" He asked when he got a chance to break the kiss. 

 

His breath was knocked out of him when Kyungsoo threw him down on his bed and climbed on top of him.

 

"I want you. Now," Kyungsoo said breathlessly before undoing the top buttons of Junmyeons shirt while simultaneously kissing his neck.

 

"Kyungsoo- Kyung-  _ ah-  _ Kyungsoo, stop!" 

 

Kyungsoo pulled back and looked at his boyfriend confused. 

 

"Don't you want this?" He asked, tone soft. "Don't you want  _ me _ ?" The sadness in his voice was apparent. This wasn't the first time Junmyeon had turned him down and Kyungsoo was starting to feel frustrated. 

 

"Of course I do. But we wanted it to be special, remember? Let's not rush it. Let's wait," he said, rubbing Kyungsoo's arm reassuringly.

 

"We've been dating since we were fifteen. Don't you think we've waited enough?"

 

"Look, now's just not a good time, I mean there's a party going on downstairs. And besides, you're soft, delicate. You deserve being taken care of accordingly." 

 

Kyungsoo's expression dropped. He hated being called  _ delicate _ . He might look innocent with his big brown doe eyes and his slightly smaller than average frame, but looks can be deceiving. He's not some dainty little porcelain flower, for fuck's sake. He thought his boyfriend of all people would know that.

 

"Fine. Let's just go back downstairs then," he said, fixing his shirt and avoiding eye contact when they made their way back to the crowd. 

 

Junmyeon went back to talk to his father's friends, probably about how fucking rich they all were and how Junmyeon was going to attend Dartmouth and then join their golf club or something. 

 

Kyungsoo plopped down onto the couch next to Jongin and crossed his arms.

 

"That was quick," Jongin commented.

 

"Nothing happened," Kyungsoo informed him. "Nothing ever happens," he added, annoyed.

 

"This is truly becoming painful to watch. You know, as your friend I feel like it's my responsibility to help you out with your little problem. We don't want you to die a virgin, now, do we?"

 

Kyungsoo sighed. Sexual comments from Jongin were never really a surprise and by now he had learned to ignore them. Sex, alcohol and money were basically all Jongin thought about; drugs, too, occasionally, but his real drug was excess. In fact, he had probably slept with all the prostitutes the upper east side could offer by now.

 

"You're his best friend, can't you talk to him?" Kyungsoo asked, a look of desperation on his face.

 

"I tell him pretty much every day. Seal the deal; tap that ass; do the dirty; I'm beginning to run out of ways to say it, actually." 

 

"Kim Jongin." 

 

The boys looked up to see a blonde girl, roughly their age, dress short enough to see her underwear - or lack thereof - from the angle they were sitting.

 

 _Oh_ _great_ , Kyungsoo thought, another phony society climbing skank, exactly what this situation needed. 

 

Jongin immediately got up and took her hand, ready for his next conquest. 

 

"Why, hello there," he said before kissing her hand. 

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. He's seen this happen too many times. 

 

"My name is-" she began to introduce herself but was cut off by Jongin.

 

"No need for names. I know exactly what you want, so why waste any more time?"

 

"I could have sworn my friend told me you were only into guys."

 

"Oh I don't discriminate. Let's go somewhere quiet to  _ talk _ ." 

 

And with that they left.

 

"My bed is-" Kyungsoo began to shout after Jongin.

 

"-off limits. I know," Jongin finished his sentence and gave him a triumphant smile. 

 

Getting laid wasn't unusual for him, but at a party as boring as this it was a little less likely.

 

Kyungsoo sighed and looked over at Junmyeon who was now being joined by Krystal, his  _ girlfriend _ . His pretend girlfriend anyway. The three of them had a mutual understanding: their parents and their parents’ friends could not know they were gay, so Junmyeon and Krystal became each other's beards and Kyungsoo pretended to be single. 

 

Krystal kissed Junmyeon on the cheek before resting her head on his shoulder and holding on to his arm and everyone was delighted at how perfect of a couple they were. Kyungsoo couldn't hear what they were saying but he was fairly sure that someone was already talking about their future wedding and the perfect three children they were going to raise in their perfect fifth avenue penthouse. 

 

If Kyungsoo's life was a movie, he'd walk over there, push Krystal to the side and kiss Junmyeon passionately in front of everyone, right in the middle of the room and then they'd laugh at everyone's shocked faces and Krystal would proudly applaud them. 

 

But sadly this was not a movie, this was real life and real life sucked. And real life began to suck even more when Kyungsoo heard his mother's voice exclaim "Byun Baekhyun! It's so great to see you!"

 

This was not happening. Baekhyun was not here. He could not be here. This was all a bad dream, and Kyungsoo was going to wake up any second. 

 

_ "Oh my god, can you believe he's back?" _

 

_ "I heard he got kicked out." _

 

Any second.

 

_ "Do you think he'll be back at St. Jude's?" _

 

_ "I bet he slept with the entire male faculty of his boarding school, including the janitors." _

 

Any. Second.

 

"Kyungsoo, hi." 

 

The voice sounded as familiar as ever; pleasant and comforting, yet slightly infuriating due to how effortlessly flawless it was. Kyungsoo looked up at Baekhyun's face, which possessed the same qualities as his voice. A strange feeling filled him and he wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to hug his best friend because he was happy to see him or punch him in the face because he had left without saying a word. He decided on the first, given that everyone in the room was probably staring at them. 

 

"Baekhyun, I've missed you so much!" He exclaimed, forcing his lips into a smile as he got up to fling his arms around the boy who was marginally taller than him. "Are you hungry?"

 

"Oh, no, I'm not staying, actually. My mom moved to a new place while I was gone and I don't have the keys yet. Have you seen her by any chance?" Baekhyun asked, looking around.

 

Kyungsoo's smile dropped. Thirty seconds and he's already made him feel inferior again. _Great_ _seeing_ _you_ , _too_.

 

"Baekhyun," Mrs. Byun came up behind him to kiss his cheeks. "Oh, darling, it's so great having you back."

 

"Byun Baekhyun!" The boy staggered forward a bit involuntarily when Mr. Kim gave him a forceful pat on the back. "How's your brother?"

 

"Yixing? Oh, he's currently staying at grandmother's house." 

 

The more people began crowding around them and began to ask questions, the more Kyungsoo realized that Baekhyun looked uncomfortable. It was almost like he didn't want to be here. Something was definitely off. Since when did he not like attention?

 

After finally getting hold of the key, Baekhyun announced that he was too tired to stay and after a quick 'I'll see you at school,' he departed with a half hearted smile. 

 

Kyungsoo was still frozen in the same spot when the room was filled with a noticeable amount of phone alerts going off at the same time about a minute later. 

 

_ Spotted: BFFs BBH and DKS hugging it out and Baekhyun confirming your worst fears: he's indeed coming back to St. Jude's. And here some of you thought that you could have a peaceful school year. I hate to break it to you, but it looks like that won't be the case, not if Baekhyun can help it. If we don't pay attention he might fuck with our grades, our teachers and our boyfriends. Better be careful. Here's to one hell of a senior year. _

 

-

 

Kyungsoo couldn't believe it. He watched Baekhyun happily chatting with some guy he'd never seen before as he waited for him by the front gates of St. Jude's Academy for boys. Baekhyun had been agonizingly benevolent towards everyone the entire week and it was driving Kyungsoo insane. Something wasn't right here and he was going to find out what it was. 

 

"Kyungsoo, this is Chanyeol," Baekhyun introduced his new freakishly tall friend as they joined him.

 

"Hi," the giant gave him a wave and a smile.

 

It took every ounce of control Kyungsoo had in him to not roll his eyes to the moon and back.

 

"So, are you new here?" He asked, disinterest apparent in his voice.

 

"No, I've been here since we were freshmen. We're in the same history class."

 

Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows. He didn't have time to pay attention to people who didn't matter. 

 

"You never noticed me? Me, the tall guy with the big ears, kind of like yoda?" Chanyeol cupped his ears with his hands to accentuate them before he looked over at Baekhyun and both of them began to laugh simultaneously. Their amusement quickly died down when they saw Kyungsoo's reaction, which was a dead serious stare with just a tinge of disapproval, powerful enough to intimidate someone to tears.

 

"So, umm, anyway, we're gonna go get some coffee, you wanna come?" Baekhyun asked after a good minute of awkward silence.

 

"Sounds exciting." It didn't. "Unfortunately I have somewhere to be," Kyungsoo got into the limo that was waiting for him. 

 

"I'll call you!" Baekhyun wasn't sure if Kyungsoo had heard it, as he seemed too busy looking at his phone and being too superior to even pay attention to Baekhyun’s new friend.

 

Kyungsoo had enough of this. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. Good thing he was on his way to meet just the person to help him get what he desired. 

 

Jongin had invited him to assess Victrola, a club he was trying to get his father to invest in. Kyungsoo was his second toughest critic and he knew he was going be nothing but brutally honest with him. 

 

The interior of the club was very victorian, the colors warm with dark wooden floors and mahogany tables surrounded by armchairs in the same burgundy shade as the patterned walls. The dancers were rehearsing their routines on the stage, seeing that it was only afternoon and still too early for the club to be open. 

 

Kyungsoo was intrigued. He felt like he was in a movie, even with the place being empty and regularly lit. He couldn't help but stroke his hand across the soft fabric of the red velvet curtains that draped around the stage. 

 

"So, what do you think?" Jongin asked, surprising Kyungsoo with the nervousness in his voice.

 

"It's," he paused, trying to find an appropriate word. "-exquisite."

 

"You really think so?" Jongin was elated. There was a spark in his eye and a genuine smile on his lips, something Kyungsoo rarely witnessed. 

 

"You really care about this place, don't you?" 

 

"Yes, I do. You should see it when it's in full swing. It's avant-garde, nostalgic. It's like escaping reality and being transported to another time," Jongin raved as he looked around the club enthusiastically. 

 

"I'm impressed. Who would have thought a strip club could have that much potential?" Kyungsoo asked absentmindedly.

 

Jongin's head snapped. "It's a  _ burlesque _ club," he corrected. "No poles here."

 

Seeing him almost offended over something like this was quite amusing to Kyungsoo. 

 

"Do you think my dad will like it?"

 

He looked worried, almost scared. He wouldn't admit it if you asked him, but Kyungsoo knew that deep down Jongin was somewhat desperate for his dad's approval. 

 

He was quite familiar with absent parents himself, but Jongin had it even worse. He had only one living parent and he was always at work. Most of the time he wouldn't even make it home for any holidays and the times he was present, he treated Jongin as an annoyance, something he just had to put up and deal with. Whenever everyone else in his social circle had to be home for family time, Jongin was most likely to be found in some exotic country, drinking and fucking the loneliness away.

 

"I think so. There's definitely something special about this place. It's undeniable." 

 

Jongin gave a few quick nods, his face stern as he avoided eye contact. 

 

"I'm proud of you," Kyungsoo knew it didn't mean much coming from him, but wanted to tell him anyway. 

 

It was enough to catch Jongin's attention, who let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in and loosened up a little, the excitement of how much he loved this club slowly becoming evident again. 

 

"He's coming to take a look at it tomorrow. If all goes well I'll have a victory party here next weekend."

 

It went without saying that Kyungsoo would be invited, and so did the fact that he would surely attend. As for now, there were other matters to be taken care of.

 

"I need your help with something," Kyungsoo stated as they stepped outside. 

 

"I'm listening."

 

"Baekhyun came back for a reason. He  _ left _ for a reason. It's about time we find out."

 

Kyungsoo's friendship with Jongin was somewhat unusual. They weren't best friends by any means, he's not even sure he'd call it friendship at all to be frank, but they were close. _Partners_ _in_ _crime_ would probably be the most suitable definition for the bond they shared. 

They had been scheming together since Kyungsoo enlisted Jongin's help to break up his father's affair when they were little. He had always liked knowing how things were going to turn out and if there was a way to control the outcome of any situation, Kyungsoo was going to take advantage of it. For Jongin it was quite different. He understood and accepted the older's need for control but he himself enjoyed plotting and scheming mainly as a source of entertainment. He hardly cared for anything or anyone but he sure loved a good scandal. 

 

"What's the last thing you remember from before he left?"

 

Kyungsoo contemplated for a moment before answering. "I don't know, we were at some lame wedding reception." 

 

"Right, the Choi wedding," Jongin remembered.

 

"Junmyeon and Baekhyun got really hammered that night and you know how embarrassing they get when they're drunk, so I told them to go outside, sober up. That was the last time I saw him."

 

"That wedding took place at the Palace," aka the hotel his dad owned. 

 

They exchanged a look. That's all it took for them both to know what their next step was going to be. 

 

"Let's go."

 

Twenty minutes later they were stood inside the hotel's control room. Jongin payed off the surveillance guard to find them the footage from the day of the wedding and give them some alone time to look through it. 

 

Kyungsoo sat down and scrubbed through the footage with Jongin bending over as he stood behind him. The wedding had been boring enough the first time around, having to live through it a second time wasn't much more enjoyable. 

 

Kyungsoo watched intently, trying to pay attention to several screens at the same time until he saw something he found rather interesting. He temporarily paused the footage when the screen displayed Jongin leaving with a bottle of champagne in one hand and a certain boy in his other. He looked over his shoulder and gave him a judging look. Jongin innocently looked back and forth between the screen and Kyungsoo.

 

"What?"

 

"You had sex with Oh Sehun?" 

 

"Yeah, so?"

 

Kyungsoo chuckled. "I can't believe you're so bad in bed that you got the guy to leave the city after you slept with him." 

 

Jongin's reaction was a smile that had ' _go_ _fuck_ _yourself_ ' written all over it, to which Kyungsoo responded with a cheeky grin.

 

"Your wit is quite impeccable, I'll give you that."

 

It wasn’t something Kyungsoo was unaware of. 

 

He turned back and unpaused the the video before he continued the conversation.

 

"It makes sense now that you never sleep with the same person more than once. Or rather that  _ they _ don't sleep with  _ you _ ."

 

"No, there's other reasons for that. I'll gladly disprove your theories if you need convincing. You know where to find me."

 

"Look," Kyungsoo let the footage play at regular speed when Baekhyun and Junmyeon left the reception. 

 

They staggered towards the hotel's main entrance, giggling while they held on to one another. Baekhyun stopped and pointed over to the empty bar before they exchanged a knowing look. Kyungsoo could feel himself getting annoyed when he saw them open a bottle of champagne. So much for sobering up. 

 

The fizzing liquid got on both their shirts and pants, which seemed to be the funniest thing in the world to them. Junmyeon was laughing so hard that he was hunched over, his head leaning against Baekhyun's shoulder. It wasn't fun to look at; especially not when his hand began stroking down Baekhyun's arm in a manner that looked way too intimate. 

 

Kyungsoo couldn't believe his eyes when he saw what happened next. 

 

They were kissing. His boyfriend and his best friend. They kissed. He tried to remain calm. It was just a kiss, right? One kiss. But after one kiss there was another and another and they wouldn't stop. Before he could even properly comprehend what he was seeing, there were buttons coming undone and his best friend's body was pressed against Junmyeon's in a way that Kyungsoo had always desired, but was never granted. 

 

Part of him wanted to punch the screen, maybe throw it against the wall, but instead he just sat there perfectly still, watching the whole thing play out as he suppressed the feelings of anger, sadness and betrayal. Kyungsoo never allowed to let those emotions get to him; they weren't in control of him,  _ he _ was in control of  _ them _ . Feeling sorry for himself had never gotten him anywhere so instead he'd retaliate and let numbness take over while he began to plan his revenge. 

 

He only tore his eyes away when his phone rang. He looked at the display and part of him almost wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

 

"Baekhyun," his voice was confident and steady as he spoke into the receiver.

 

"Hey. Do you think we can meet?" 

 

He waited a few seconds before he gave him his answer.

 

"The bar at the Palace. Half an hour. Does that work for you?"

 

"Uhm. The- the bar at… the Palace?" Baekhyun stuttered through the phone.

 

"Yeah, what's wrong with it?" Kyungsoo challenged.

 

"Oh uh- just… nothing."

 

"Fine. See you then," he hung up and stared at the now empty bar on the monitor. 

 

"What are you gonna do?" Jongin asked, voice lined with wicked curiosity.

 

"You'll see," it sounded like a warning. Jongin was intrigued.

 

-

 

When Baekhyun arrived, Kyungsoo made sure to sit down at the place Junmyeon had been sitting, leaving Baekhyun no other choice than to sit opposite of him. Does this feel like Deja Vu yet?

 

"So what would you like to drink?" Kyungsoo asked and followed up with another question, not giving an adequate amount of time for the other to answer. "How about champagne?"

 

Baekhyun blinked. He looked down and began to fumble with his fingers, briefly opening his mouth to speak but closing it again. Did he know?

 

"Then again, champagne can get quite messy, can't it?"

 

How could he possibly know? Junmyeon wouldn't have told him, would he? 

 

Baekhyun's heart was beating restlessly in his chest, his palms began to sweat. He knew sooner or later the truth would come out, but he wasn't ready. When he came back he thought he was, but being back, seeing how distant Kyungsoo was, he didn't want to make things worse. He'd never forgive him. 

 

"So why'd you want to meet?" 

 

"I-" Baekhyun cleared his throat when he realized how croaky his voice sounded. "I wanted to hang out, catch up."

 

"Catch up?" Kyungsoo scoffed. "Ok, let's catch up then. Tell me, how is my boyfriend in bed?" 

 

Baekhyun froze. 

 

He knew. He fucking knew. Had he known the whole time? Had he been holding a grudge and planning revenge for an entire year? 

 

"What? Are you going to deny it?"

 

"K- Kyungsoo. We were drunk. It was a terrible mistake. I can't tell you how sorry I am." His hands were shaking, his voice fragile and his eyes close to tears as he stuttered his apology. 

 

He looked at Kyungsoo after what felt like an eternity of silence. 

 

There was still no response, just a never ending, judging stare that Baekhyun could have sworn was penetrating his soul. He gulped.

 

"What can I do to make things right again?"

 

"Nothing. You just stay away from me, you stay away from Junmyeon and you stay away from all of our friends. And if you don't, there will be consequences," Kyungsoo warned before he departed, leaving Baekhyun alone with his guilt. 

 

_ Everyone knows revenge is a dish best served cold - ice cold, if you ask Kyungsoo. Bon appétit. _

 

-

 

Kyungsoo was welcomed home by Junmyeon, who got up from the couch where he had been waiting when Kyungsoo exited the elevator. 

 

He had dreaded this. They had plans for today but he didn't want him here. Not now, not yet. 

 

Junmyeon greeted him with a smile and a kiss as usual. It was conflicting for Kyungsoo, being in the arms of the person he wanted to run to, but that person was the same one that sent him running in the first place. He took a deep breath as he braced himself for what he knew was inevitably going to happen. He had a plan for how he was going to handle this.

 

Kyungsoo pulled Junmyeon close and began to kiss him. It started slow and innocent, and although it was painful for him to force himself through this, he continued until they were making out passionately. It was even more painful when Junmyeon broke the kiss to give him a playful smirk before he closed the distance again. Ties were loosened, some buttons came undone and when Kyungsoo's hands made their way lower he heard the words that had become all too familiar to his ears. 

 

"Kyungsoo, stop."

 

And so he did, because it was exactly what he had expected. He took a step back.

 

"Why are we still together when it's clear that you don't want me?"

 

"I do want you," Junmyeon paused as he tried to find the words. "But there's something I need to tell you. And I'm not sure you'll want me after that."

 

He took Kyungsoo's hand and urged him to sit down next to him. 

 

Junmyeon's confession was followed by the same excuses that he had listened to earlier:  _ 'We were drunk', 'It was a mistake', 'I'm sorry.' _ At least he had the decency to tell him, not that it made the situation any better. Tears began to roll down Junmyeon's face as he proceeded to apologize.

 

"I think you should leave," Kyungsoo interrupted him. He had heard enough.

 

Junmyeon nodded. "I'm sorry. I love you." 

 

"I loved you too," Kyungsoo whispered after Junmyeon had left.

 

Only then Kyungsoo allowed his numbness to subside. His suppressed emotions took over and he began to sob. He knew crying wasn't going to help, but maybe just for tonight he would allow himself to feel sorry for himself before he'd step back into the world as the perfectly put together boy everyone knew him as.

 

-

 

The following week was dull and glum to say the least. Kyungsoo felt lonely without his best friend and his boyfriend. There was Jongin of course, but after his father had passed on buying Victrola _ ,  _ he wasn't exactly much fun to be around either. So all Kyungsoo had left were his loyal minions, who were way too boring to even spend any time with outside of school.

 

It was Saturday and he was indulging in old movies, wishing his life could be just as perfect as the ones he witnessed on screen. He dreamt himself a happy ending and was only awoken by his phone when he received a text. Kyungsoo eyed the message with tired eyes. 

 

_ Jongin: my father changed his mind. party's back on, I'll send a car at 9 _

 

Maybe this was just what he needed. He found the club impressive the first time he saw it and it hadn't even been open then. Junmyeon was visiting his grandparents this weekend so there wouldn't be any awkwardness and Kyungsoo was dying to have some alcohol induced fun.

 

-

 

Jongin was waiting outside at the door when Kyungsoo arrived. He looked him up and down and flashed his signature smirk.

 

"You look stunning, as always."

 

"Thank you. Not so bad yourself, Kim," Kyungsoo replied as he adjusted Jongin's bow tie. 

 

Loud music filled Kyungsoo's ears as he entered the club and followed Jongin past the crowd to a yellow vintage sofa positioned in front of the stage, their own little VIP lounge. 

 

"So how'd you convince your dad to buy this place after all?" Kyungsoo asked as they took a seat.

 

"His new business partner just so happens to be a former burlesque dancer. She explained the whole philosophy behind this place to him, you know, that it's not just your average strip joint."

 

"Look at you looking all proud," Kyungsoo couldn't help but stare when Jongin chuckled in response.

 

"Well, I'm happy." 

 

"That's good," Kyungsoo's smile faded. "At least someone is."

 

Jongin wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Sure, Junmyeon was his best friend, but that didn't make Kyungsoo any less significant to him. And somehow he was relieved that it was Kyungsoo next to him and not Junmyeon.

 

"Forget about  _ him _ . You're here to have a good time, so let's escape." 

 

_ Escape _ . Something about the word made Kyungsoo feel adventurous. His eyes studied the room. He loved it even more than the first time he saw it. It made him feel like he was in a different era, some people were even dressed accordingly. Kyungsoo was so enthralled, he almost didn't notice Jongin arguing with the waiter.

 

"Do you know who I am? I'm Kim Jongin. My father owns this place, I could have your fired in a second."

 

"So what will you gentlemen be having?" The waiter conceded. 

 

"Scotch on the rocks and a gin martini. And keep them coming," Jongin ordered in a domineering tone. 

 

A few drinks later Kyungsoo recognized a song that began to play. The dancers were snapping their fingers along to the beat of Adam Lambert's "For Your Entertainment", a song that Kyungsoo loved. Halfway through the song he spotted a microphone on the side of the stage.

 

"You know, that microphone up there looks a little lonely," he contemplated, leaning towards Jongin.

 

"Then why don't you give it some company?" There was a challenging grin on Jongin's face.

 

"You don't think I'd really do that."

 

"Obviously not."

 

And he was right. Kyungsoo wouldn't do that.  _ Usually _ . But he wasn't here to be his usual self or do what he usually did. Tonight, he wanted to be daring. He stared at Jongin for a few seconds before he swallowed the rest of his drink in one go and got up to head towards the stage.

 

Jongin couldn't quite believe his eyes or his ears when Kyungsoo stepped on stage, grabbed the microphone and began to sing. 

 

_ No escaping when I start, Once I'm in I own your heart _

_ There's no way you'll ring the alarm, so hold on until it's over _

 

He had never seen him like this; so carefree, so bold, so confident.

 

_ Oh, do you know what you got into? Can you handle what I'm about to do? _

_ 'Cause it's about to get rough for you, I'm here for your entertainment _

 

Kyungsoo stripped off his jacket and held it up next to him before he let it fall, causing the crowd to cheer him on.

 

_ Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet, you thought an angel swept you off your feet _

_ Well I'm about to turn up the heat, I'm here for your entertainment _

 

Jongin was so captivated by Kyungsoo's performance, it was all that existed to him in that very moment. He got out of his seat, his eyes never leaving the boy on the stage as he stepped closer as if he was spellbound. 

 

"Who's the diva? Or should I say div _ o _ ?" Jongin didn't know who asked the question and he didn't dare to take his eyes off Kyungsoo.

 

"I have no idea." 

 

_ Do you like what you see? _

 

Kyungsoo looked right at him as he sang the line. And Jongin certainly did like what he saw.

 

_ Let me entertain you til you scream _

 

Jongin's mouth hung open, the corners of his lips curled up into a smile as he raised his glass to Kyungsoo before he took a sip.

 

-

 

They sat in the back of Jongin's limo, both exhausted but elated; Kyungsoo for having done something so completely out of character and Jongin for having had the privilege of witnessing such an unusual occurrence.

 

"Thank you for taking me home." 

 

Kyungsoo looked over at Jongin, whose face was illuminated by the city lights that drifted in through the windows.

 

"You were incredible up there." 

 

Kyungsoo had never realized that Jongin's eyes weren't only dark and mischievous, but that they also held a certain warmth. He never realized how plush and full and soft his lips looked. Fuck, has he always been this handsome? Maybe he needed a closer look. 

 

He shuffled closer as he leaned in and Jongin did the same. There was something different about him tonight, something Kyungsoo couldn't quite put his finger on, but he decided it was something he liked. 

 

The closer he got, the more he realized he wasn't close enough; Jongin only looked more and more attractive as their proximity grew. Even when their noses began to touch and their foreheads were pressed together, it still wasn't enough. 

 

Their lips touched in a light kiss that lingered for a few seconds. They broke away to exchange a look that was filled with uncertainty and anticipation; it was the calm before the storm. 

 

Was this really going to happen? They answered the question by attacking each other's lips. They weren't holding anything back this time as their hands began to explore relentlessly, clothes coming undone and lips pressing against heated skin hungrily.

 

Kyungsoo was seated on Jongin's lap, fingers working to undo his pants as Jongin pulled away.

 

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked breathlessly, holding onto Kyungsoo's hips.

 

He didn't even have to think. 'Yes' seemed to be the only word to exist in Kyungsoo's head in that moment. He was about to lean in for more but stopped himself when he saw the concerned look on Jongin's face. 

 

"Yes. Don't you?" His expression dropped. Did they really go this far just for Jongin to turn him down?

 

"Of course." 

 

His arm wrapped around Kyungsoo's waist as he sat up straight and pulled him close. 

 

"Anyone would be crazy not to want you," Jongin said with a raspy voice before he closed the distance between their lips. 

 

And with that Kyungsoo let go completely. All he wanted was more, more, more of Jongin. His hands, his lips, his body; everything felt amazing and he couldn't get enough. 

 

Jongin kissed his way down Kyungsoo’s torso as his hands stroked his leaking erection. He soon replaced his hands with his lips, sucking at the tip lightly before taking more of his length with every bob of his head. 

 

Kyungsoo automatically rocked his hips forward as he felt Jongin’s cock prod against his entrance. He had never been entirely sure what his preference would be when it came to sex, as he had never gotten the chance to experiment, but right now he wanted Jongin inside him.

 

“Hurry,” he whined when Jongin’s hands began to knead his cheeks, spreading them apart.

 

Jongin quickly got some lube and a condom, two items he always had ready at hand, and spread some of the water substance on his fingers before bringing them to Kyungsoo’s rim.

 

Kyungsoo was impatient, almost too impatient with how long it took for Jongin to work his fingers inside of him until he deemed that he was stretched enough to fit Jongin’s length inside him.

 

He withdrew his fingers and pulled Kyungsoo close, holding his cock with one hand while the other was placed on Kyungsoo’s hip, guiding him as he sank down on his cock. 

 

Kyungsoo grasped onto Jongin’s shoulders, sweat collecting on his forehead as he took him inch by inch. 

 

Jongin kissed his lips and stroked his length, thumb swirling around the tip when he was fully seated inside Kyungsoo and waited for him to adjust.

 

It wasn’t too long before Kyungsoo began to grind his hips, slow at first, then picking up pace as he slipped his tongue in Jongin’s mouth, both of them swallowing each other’s moans. 

 

“Do you like this?” Jongin asked as he held onto Kyungsoo’s hips, keeping them still as he thrust into him. 

 

“Jongin-  _ ahh- _ please, faster.”

 

Jongin kissed his neck and chest as he sped up his movements, the sound of their damp skin slapping together mixed with their moans filling the air.

 

“Ride me,” Jongin whispered in Kyungsoo’s ear in a husky voice.

 

Kyungsoo pushed him back against the seat as he followed Jongin’s request. God, he felt so amazing.

 

His hips moved so rapidly that Jongin knew he wouldn’t last much longer, and by the looks of it, Kyungsoo wouldn’t either.

 

He wrapped his fingers around Kyungsoo’s cock, letting him buck his hips into his hand while Jongin’s tip nudged against his prostate, causing him to moan repeatedly.

 

He breathed heavily against Jongin’s lips, kissing him sloppily when he came onto both of their stomachs.

 

He pressed his face into the crook of Jongin’s neck, spent and exhausted, with Jongin moaning into his ear as his climax hit him a moment later.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo tried to keep a low profile by not leaving his house the next day. He did his best to avoid Jongin once they were back at school, which worked for the first few periods. 

 

During break he looked around, ensuring Jongin was nowhere near before he sat down. And not a full minute later, there he was, sitting down next to him, a smug smile on his lips. 

 

This was exactly what Kyungsoo had dreaded. Maybe if he was lucky there was a possibility that Jongin wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. After all, sleeping around wasn't exactly out of the ordinary for him. Hell, maybe he didn't even remember.

 

"Didn't see you around yesterday. You  _ were _ still able to walk, weren't you?" 

 

Fuck. He remembered. And worse than that there was amusement in his voice. He was not going to let this go that easily. Kyungsoo took a deep breath.

 

"We were drunk of our asses, so can we please just pretend that it didn't happen?"

 

"Oh, I don't think we were  _ that _ drunk, actually."

 

"Well, you're wrong."

 

"I think you and I both know from experience that if you're as drunk as you claim we were, you wouldn't even remember anything that happened, and it seems we both remember rather clearly." 

 

Maybe it was time Kyungsoo made himself a little more clear. 

 

"Listen, asshole," he exclaimed as he grabbed the collar of Jongin's shirt. "The events of that night will never be mentioned again, is that clear?"

 

Jongin stared at him for a moment before a mischievous smirk tugged at his lips.

 

_ "Oh god, yes, right there, Jongin, fuck."  _

 

Kyungsoo's eyes expanded with shock as Jongin imitated him. He let go of his shirt and looked around warily, hoping that no one had heard.

 

"Look at that face; lips parted, eyes wide, just like the face you made the other night when I made you c-"

 

"Say one more word and I'm going to kill you," Kyungsoo threatened as he felt his cheeks burning up.

 

Jongin breathed a keen sigh. "You're just the right blend of submissive and dominant." 

 

The bedroom eyes and the sultry tone weren't making this any easier but Kyungsoo was hardly going to let Jongin get the best of him.

 

"Oh, keep it in your pants, Kim. It's not like you'll even remember it by next week."

 

"Aw, don't be upset. It was pretty unforgettable if you ask me."

 

"It was a one night stand, a one time thing, don't pretend it meant anything."

 

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?"

 

Kyungsoo wondered the same thing. He didn't want to admit that he hasn't been able to stop thinking about it. He didn't want to admit how much he enjoyed it. Most of all he didn't want to admit that he wanted to do it again; not to himself and especially not to Jongin. 

 

Much to his luck, he was saved by the bell before he could come up with a clever response. He collected his belongings and left to head for class without giving Jongin another look.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo lay on his bed, his eyes glued to the ceiling, phone clutched firmly between his hands as he contemplated what he was about to do. He didn't know if he should really go through with it, yet it was the only thing occupying his mind. Sadly he couldn't think of another solution and it was not like he had anyone to talk to about his little issue. 

 

He sat up and looked at his phone, the screen of which was opened to the conversation between him and Jongin. The words were already typed out, now there was just one thing left to do. 

 

His thumb hovered over the send button for several moments before he let out a groan and with closed eyes he touched his digit to the screen. It took him a good minute to collect himself and look at the message he had sent:  _ come over asap. I need you _

 

Kyungsoo grew anxious as he was informed that Jongin had read it. He didn't take long to respond.  _ on my way _

 

Fuck. This was happening.

 

Jongin arrived at his room twenty minutes later, looking extremely pleased with himself. 

 

"I knew you'd come back for more."

 

"Shut up." 

 

Half of Kyungsoo wanted to punch him in the face, the other half wanted to rip his clothes off.

 

Jongin's expression changed when something caught his eye. There were two rather interesting objects lying on Kyungsoo's bed: a bottle of lube and a pack of condoms. And if that wasn't already confusing enough, Kyungsoo locked the door behind him. 

 

_ What the hell?  _

 

Jongin didn't come here expecting to get laid. Sure, Kyungsoo's message had sent his mind straight to the gutter but he knew that realistically it was more likely that the other had a scheme in mind and not sex.

 

"You're serious?" He was waiting for an explanation because this seemed way too good to be true.

 

"We're doing this for one reason, and one reason only." 

 

"And what's that?"

 

"To prove that it meant nothing, that it was only good because we were drunk."

 

"What if you're wrong?"

 

"I'm not."

 

"Fine." 

 

The look on Jongin's face was playful, challenging. He stood still, perfectly calm as he waited for Kyungsoo's next move.

 

"Well?"

 

Was he too nervous to make the first move? How cute.

 

"Well what?"

 

"Kiss me or something."

 

Jongin chuckled. He sat down on the bed and made himself comfortable.

 

"What are you doing?" Kyungsoo felt stupid. He worked up the nerve to ask Jongin to have sex with him and there he was, not even lifting a finger, or any other body part for that matter.

 

The look on Jongin's face turned dark. "Beg for it."

 

Kyungsoo couldn't decide if he was annoyed or turned on. There was one way to find out.

 

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Jongin." 

 

He straddled his lap and kissed him forcefully.

 

He was taken aback by how good it felt, even in a sober state. Jongin didn't hold back as he slid his tongue past Kyungsoo's lips and moved his hands up his thighs before he flipped their positions and began to kiss Kyungsoo's neck.

 

Kyungsoo stifled a moan and pushed Jongin away when he realized he wasn't going to achieve his desired result.

 

"Stop, stop, stop." He was completely out of breath, his heart pounding in his chest. Jongin pulled back and waited for an explanation.

 

"I- uhm… I don't even need to go any further to prove to myself I don't want this." 

 

Jongin looked down at the very apparent erection in Kyungsoo's pants and raised his eyebrows at him. The latter grabbed a pillow and attempted to cover his crotch inconspicuously as if it wasn't clear to both of them that he was trying to hide something. 

 

"Keep lying to yourself all you want. If the desire becomes too hard to ignore, you know how to reach me." 

 

Jongin fixed his jacket and headed for the door.

 

"Wait." 

 

Kyungsoo didn't want him to leave.

 

Jongin turned around to see him bury his face in his hands. He seemed frustrated and torn. It was obvious that he wanted this, yet he was in denial. 

 

Sometimes Jongin forgot that sex was actually a big deal to some people. Teasing Kyungsoo was fun, but this wasn't about taking advantage of him, it was about making each other feel good and if Kyungsoo needed some reassurance, he would gladly oblige.

 

Kyungsoo felt Jongin's lips against the shell of his ear as he came up behind him.

 

"Don't be scared. There's nothing wrong with giving into temptation every now and then. Especially if you've been holding out on it as long as you have," he whispered before he tilted Kyungsoo's chin up and kissed his lips in a gentle but sensual manner. 

 

Their first time together had been wild and desperate, like over-boiling heat that couldn't be contained, but this time Jongin wanted to show Kyungsoo something different. 

 

He took his time to explore Kyungsoo’s body, tentatively touching and kissing him in different places to find out what drove him crazy. He went deliberately slow and waited until Kyungsoo wanted more, until he asked him not to be so gentle and began to undo both of their clothes, impatient with Jongin’s torturous pace.

 

Sex with Jongin became somewhat of a stress reliever for Kyungsoo. When his mom was criticizing him for not being his most perfect self again, he'd call Jongin; when he was stressed out about school, he'd call Jongin; when he was upset about something, or horny, or even just bored, he'd call Jongin. 

 

Jongin soon found that Kyungsoo was even more adventurous and wild than he had assumed. He didn’t hold back when it came to exploring his bedroom fantasies. He was eager to try different positions and explore more kinks every time they got together, which at times surprised even both of them. 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo was lying on top of Jongin, who was lazily splayed out on his bed as they made out. 

 

Kyungsoo stopped abruptly. "Maybe we should stop doing this." 

 

There wasn't exactly a definition for what they were doing. They weren't a couple by any means, but friends with benefits somehow didn't seem like an appropriate description either. Jongin didn't really care to put a label on it, to him they were having fun and that's all that mattered. 

 

Today wasn't the first time Kyungsoo had shown concern and Jongin was beginning to get tired of it.

 

"How many times do I have to tell you it's okay to give in to your needs?"

 

"And why should I listen to you?"

 

"Because you think too much."

 

"And you talk too much."

 

"Then why don't you shut me u-" 

 

Kyungsoo was way ahead of him as he cut him off with his lips, smiling into the kiss as he pinned Jongin's hands over his head. He enjoyed their playful back and forths and they always made him want more.

 

His lips had just found Jongin's neck when he was interrupted by the maid's voice.

 

_ "Mr. Kyungsoo, Mr. Junmyeon is here to see you." _

 

What a boner kill.

 

They hadn't talked since their breakup several weeks ago and as far as Kyungsoo was concerned, his bedroom adventures with Jongin were their dirty little secret, so why on earth was he here?

 

Junmyeon looked as handsome as ever as he waited for Kyungsoo at the bottom of the stairs.  _ Damn him. _

 

"Hi."

 

"Hey."

 

It was awkward when neither of them said anything for a good minute before Junmyeon broke the silence.

 

"I was in the area, so I thought I'd stop by. How are you?"

 

Kyungsoo really wasn't comfortable with him being here, particularly when Jongin was waiting for him upstairs with his shirt half undone. 

 

"I'm alright." 

 

He didn't feel like elaborating.

 

"I don't want to take up any more of your time. I just wanted to say… I miss you. I understand if you can't forgive me, but I need you to know that I really, truly am sorry. And if you'd give me a second chance, I promise I wouldn't disappoint you."

 

The words tugged at his heartstrings and he felt the urge to fall into Junmyeon’s arms like he used to. But it wouldn't be the same. They wouldn't feel safe anymore.

 

"I- I'll think about it," he finally responded with a fragile voice. 

 

Junmyeon carefully kissed him on the cheek before he left, leaving Kyungsoo feeling like a complete mess. 

 

He made his way back upstairs to find Jongin waiting at the door to his room.

 

"Were you eavesdropping?" He asked as he walked past him.

 

Jongin ignored the question. 

 

"You're not really thinking about getting back together with him, are you?"

 

"What, are you jealous?" Kyungsoo joked.

 

There was no response, just Jongin avoiding eye contact as he stared at the floor.

 

"Oh, my god." 

 

Kyungsoo needed to sit down. This was not happening. This could not be happening. 

 

"Look, I didn't choose to have these feelings, ok?"

 

There were feelings? Jongin had  _ feelings? _ And he had them for  _ him _ ?

 

"Ok, listen, here's the plan: we're going to stop doing this, and you, you're gonna drown those feelings in alcohol and just sleep around and do god knows what else you usually do."

 

Jongin didn't agree, he just stood there and looked pissed, like a child that just got scolded. 

 

"Jongin, you can't have feelings for me!" Was it really so hard to understand?

 

"Fine!" Jongin blurted out. "You're not that great in bed anyway," he muttered, more to himself than to Kyungsoo as he walked out the door.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo's mind was a fucking mess. There were too many thoughts and they were coming way too fast until he couldn't hear himself clearly anymore and he just wanted them to shut up. But in all this disarray, one thought prevailed. It wasn't even a thought as much as it was a desire. He wanted to talk to Baekhyun. He would know what to say and how to cheer him up. Baekhyun had this gift that he could always make someone laugh, even in the most critical situations. Kyungsoo missed his best friend. Truthfully, he needed Baekhyun to balance out his seriousness and his over thinking, while Baekhyun needed Kyungsoo to balance out his silliness and his fun from getting out of control. 

 

Baekhyun sat in a small gazebo in central park and watched the rain fall, lost in thought when Kyungsoo sat down next to him. He knew he'd be here. Growing up in the city, it was the closest thing they'd ever gotten to a tree house and their names were carved in somewhere close to the floor where no one could see. 

 

Baekhyun moved away as soon as he saw him.

 

"I-I'll leave."

 

Kyungsoo stopped him by holding on to his wrist. Baekhyun looked at him with uncertainty as Kyungsoo tugged on his arm, motioning for him to sit down again.

 

Several moments passed until Kyungsoo finally began to speak. 

 

"Why did you just leave? Why didn't you even say goodbye?" 

 

He had been holding those questions in for over a year now and though it was heartbreaking to say them out loud, he knew it was necessary for them both to be able to move forward.

 

"I couldn't face you after what I did. You're my best friend. How could I have done something this awful?" Baekhyun asked the ground.

 

"You really do regret it." 

 

It was apparent in how Baekhyun hadn't smiled or done anything else that could possibly attract anyone's attention since their last conversation.

 

Baekhyun nodded and looked at him with glossy eyes. "I wish I could undo it."

 

"We can't change the past."

 

"That doesn't make it okay," Baekhyun protested. 

 

The guilt had clearly gotten to his head after Kyungsoo had very consciously ignored him the past month. 

 

"How are you and Junmyeon?"

 

"Junmyeon is a great guy, but maybe he's just not the right guy for me. If you hadn't slept with him I might have never realized that. Besides, we all make mistakes sometimes, especially when there's alcohol involved."

 

Baekhyun stared at him. "What did you do?"

 

There was no answer. Kyungsoo was embarrassed to say it out loud, but knowing Baekhyun, he knew he'd pry it out of him.

 

"Let me rephrase that," Baekhyun seemed amused now. " _ Who _ did you do?"

 

He just knew him too well.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, realizing there was no way around this. He began to rub the side of his neck in an attempt to look somewhat casual in order to not make this a bigger deal than it had to be.

 

"Just… Jongin," he half-whispered.

 

It had become silent between them and he could feel Baekhyun judging him even without a word.

 

"Jongin?"

 

Kyungsoo's head turned the other way as he wished for the ground to swallow him whole. 

 

"Jongin?" Baekhyun asked again. "As in man-whore who sleeps with everything that walks and talks, Kim Jongin?" He chuckled with amazement. "Holy shit."

 

"Hey, you're not exactly one to talk, are you?" 

 

Baekhyun tilted his head to the side and gave a quick raise of his eyebrows. _Fair_ _enough_.

 

"His sexual comments must be even more annoying now. I bet he hasn't stopped trying to get you to sleep with him again."

 

Kyungsoo held his breath and stilled his movements completely as the other boy stared at him.

 

"Please tell me you haven't slept with him again," his voice was fairly devoid of optimism.

 

"Just a few times. Or maybe more than a few…" Kyungsoo felt pathetic admitting it.

 

"Kyungsoo!" 

 

Baekhyun's face scrunched up in a grimace as a response to which Kyungsoo tried to justify himself. "Look, he's really talented with his-"

 

"Stop! Stop," Baekhyun held his hands up in protest. "I don't even want to know."

 

They watched the rain fall for a while without either of them saying anything. Something inside Kyungsoo that had felt beaten and bruised for over a year was slowly beginning to heal. He had never been more thankful for a silence that felt this comfortable. 

 

"Do you like him?" Baekhyun asked eventually.

 

"No!" 

 

The answer came out instantly and without any thought or consideration, almost as if pre-rehearsed. Baekhyun couldn't help but laugh. It was so obvious that his best friend had feelings for Jongin, but was too stubborn to admit it. Then again, it was Kim Jongin he had those feelings for, so who could blame him, really?

 

"Kyungsoo loves Jongin," Baekhyun teased in a sing-song voice. "Ow!" He rubbed the back of his head and pretended to be in a lot more pain than the light hit Kyungsoo had given him could have caused.

 

Kyungsoo sighed. "That's not even the worst part."

 

"Did he give you an STD?"

 

"No," he couldn't even laugh at that. "He kind of, sort of made it clear that he likes me too."

 

"And how is that a bad thing exactly?"

 

"I thought we established that we're talking about Kim Jongin here."

 

"What did you say when he told you?"

 

"I told him to get rid of the feelings."

 

Baekhyun pursed his lips and thought about it for a bit.

 

"I can't believe I'm saying this but if you like him and he likes you… you should be together." 

 

"Maybe."

 

It seemed logical, even more so now that he heard it from someone who knew him as well as Baekhyun did. He was still mostly in denial, of course, but somehow it felt okay now.

 

"Speaking of Jongin," Baekhyun began, "My mom is seeing his dad."

 

"Does he know?"

 

"No, not yet. My mom just told me last night, but she seemed pretty serious." 

 

He sounded worried and Kyungsoo knew exactly why.

 

"Do you think she'll marry him?"

 

"Well, he's a very rich and powerful man and you know my mom. I'm pretty sure by the end of this year I'm going to be-" he needed to take a deep breath before he could say it. "Jongin's step brother." 

 

But he wouldn't be Byun Baekhyun if he didn't know how to put a humorous spin on an event as unfortunate as this. "And you're going to be Jongin's boyfriend."

 

"Shut up,” Kyungsoo said annoyed, pushing Baekhyun away by the shoulder. He looked at him for a bit and smiled. "I've missed you."

 

Baekhyun responded with a smile even brighter than Kyungsoo's. "I missed you, too." 

 

Baekhyun laid his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him from the side as he began to rub his hair against the other's neck like a devoted puppy. Kyungsoo wasn't a big fan of people getting this close or affectionate with him, but for once he allowed it and reciprocated by resting his head atop of Baekhyun's and putting his arm around him. 

 

The rain had died down to a drizzle and the sunbeams broke through some of the grey clouds, making the sky look a little brighter.

 

-

 

"I thought I'd deliver the invitation personally." 

 

Jongin held the card with the words ' _ We cordially invite you to the wedding of  Kim Chinhwa and Byun Nari'   _ out to Kyungsoo. 

 

"Thanks." 

 

He set it down on the kitchen table to make sure his mom would see it. Jongin looked at him expectantly. 

 

"Do you expect a reward?" Kyungsoo asked even though he already knew the answer. 

 

Jongin had taken any opportunity he could to stop by at Kyungsoo's for a quickie, a make out session or even just to steal a kiss. They briefly avoided each other after Junmyeon's visit, but Kyungsoo hadn't wanted to get back together and Jongin hadn't wanted to sleep with anyone else, so they kept ending up on each other's bedsheets. No one except Baekhyun knew and they hadn't exactly said it out loud, but they were pretty much boyfriends at this point.

 

Jongin placed his hands on Kyungsoo's hips. 

 

"How do you expect me to resist you when you're just wearing a shirt and underwear?" He murmured against his lips before capturing them with his own.

 

"I just got out of bed, I look like a mess," Kyungsoo argued, ruffling his hair.

 

"I could make you look like even more of a mess." 

 

Jongin slid his hand down the back of Kyungsoo's boxers and lifted his shirt with the other while he took Kyungsoo's bottom lip between his teeth and pulled at it lightly in a playful manner.

 

"I have a history test in an hour," Kyungsoo informed him after another minute of kissing.

 

"Who needs history? Let's skip and focus on physical education instead."

 

Jongin looked just about ready to ravish him and as tempting as that was, Kyungsoo had his priorities. 

 

"You can wait on the couch, I'll be ready in half an hour."

 

Although Jongin didn't get what he wanted, he tried to make the best out of the situation by checking out Kyungsoo's backside as he exited the kitchen.

 

-

 

Jongin had just finished getting dressed when there was a knock on the door of his suite.  _ Looks like these clothes are about to come right off again.  _

 

His poised smile dropped when he opened the door.

 

"Junmyeon." 

 

He had been doing the best that he could to avoid him or keep their interactions as short as possible. He didn't want him to find out about him and Kyungsoo or ask any uncomfortable questions. 

 

"I barely see you around these days. What have you been up to?" 

 

Junmyeon strolled in the room and made himself right at home by sitting down on the sofa.

 

"Oh, just… busy. With Victrola and other… business stuff," he did his best to beat around the bush. "Plus, I have a best man's speech to write."

 

"I miss Kyungsoo," Junmyeon suddenly said out of nowhere. "He said he'd think about getting back together but we haven't spoken since."

 

"Maybe he doesn't want to get back together then."  _ And maybe you shouldn't have broken his heart by sleeping with his best friend. _

 

He ignored Jongin's comment. "He seems unusually happy these days. Do you think he's seeing someone?"

 

"Why are you asking me?" 

 

Was he busted?

 

"You guys are still pretty close, aren't you?" 

 

Did he know?

 

"You could say that." 

 

They had indeed been very close the previous night when they couldn't wait to get to Jongin's room and fucked in the elevator.

 

"Well?"

 

Jongin bit his lip and thought for a moment. "He's friends with Baekhyun again. That could be it."

 

"If he made up with Baekhyun, why won't he make up with me?"  _ Maybe because he found someone better. _

 

Junmyeon sighed. "I'll talk to him at the wedding. Maybe your speech will inspire him to get back together with me."

 

Jongin faked a smile. If anything his speech was going to inspire him to do the opposite.

 

-

 

People were chatting happily at Chinhwa and Nari's wedding reception when the air was filled by the sound of a knife tapping against a glass. 

 

"I'd like to propose a toast." 

 

Jongin stood as the room quieted down and everyone's attention was diverted to him. 

 

"First of all, I'd like to express how honored I am to have been chosen as my father's best man tonight. Truly, I don't think I'm deserving of this title. I'm still lacking in many areas, but I will do my best to do you proud in the future." 

 

They exchanged a quick smile before Jongin looked down at the notecards in his hands. 

 

"Love is a curious thing, really. Sometimes, even if you don't plan for it to happen, it plants a seed in your heart." 

 

He set the cards down on the table before he continued. 

 

"You might not even realize what's happening as it grows inside of you, but when it blossoms-" His eyes swerved across the room and fixated on Kyungsoo who was sitting a few tables away from him as he finished his sentence.  "-that's when you can feel it."

 

Kyungsoo of course was wearing his poker face as always, yet Jongin swore he saw a hint of a smile in his eyes. He directed his glance back to the center of the room, suddenly feeling a little shy. 

 

"And that's when you know that nurturing it is worth it. Dad, Nari, may your flowers bloom for a lifetime." 

 

He raised his glass and the rest of the room followed his gesture. "To the happy couple."

 

It wasn't until it was late and the majority of guests, including a once again rejected Junmyeon, had already left that Jongin finally worked up the courage to ask Kyungsoo a certain question. 

 

"Dance with me?" 

 

He stood before him, held out his hand and hoped he wouldn't realize that it was shaking. He didn't know why, but he felt like a nervous child, scared of being rejected.

 

Kyungsoo wasn't exactly a dance enthusiast. It was something he was forced to learn and do quite often at weddings, debutante balls and other high society events. He had never taken a liking to it, but over the years he realized that Jongin seemed rather fond of it, even if he wouldn't admit it if you asked him directly. He found it amusing at first, though now that he was the one Jongin wanted to dance with, the word  _ endearing _ seemed a better fit.

 

"I liked your speech," Kyungsoo complimented as they danced to a slow song.

 

"It was inspired by someone really special." 

 

They gazed at each other until Kyungsoo felt nearly dizzy from whatever was fluttering in his stomach and had to look at the ground for a moment to catch his breath. He finally found the nerve to look back up, only to have his breath stolen again, this time by Jongin's lips. Their kisses had never felt this surreal before; this intense, this  _ intimate _ .

 

"I was thinking…" Jongin began when he broke away. "Since my parents will be on their honeymoon over christmas, we could spend some time together in europe before you visit your dad."

 

Kyungsoo deliberated for a moment. "It does get kind of lonely. It might be nice to have some company."

 

Jongin's face lit up with the most genuine smile Kyungsoo had ever seen from him. It was almost childlike, the way he could barely contain his excitement. He rested his head against Kyungsoo's shoulder as they continued to dance until it was just the two of them left. 

 

-

 

"Son, I must say I'm proud of you." 

 

Jongin's father was about to depart for his honeymoon and wanted to have a few more words with him before he left. 

 

"Going to europe with Kyungsoo is a big deal. You're finally learning what it means to be faithful, to be selfless and put someone's needs in front of your own. This is a big step into adulthood for you and I'm glad that you're taking it." He sighed deeply. "Even if it is with a boy." 

 

Jongin stared at the mirror. This wasn't him. Everything his father had just talked about was the description of someone else, but it wasn't  _ him _ . He didn't belong to anyone, nor would he change for anyone. He was Kim fucking Jongin, for fuck's sake. 

 

"Hold on," he called after the bell boy before he could exit the room. "I'm afraid I still require your service." 

 

"Of course. Mr. Kim, is it?"

 

"Yes. Kim Jongin." 

 

He held out his hand and the boy shook it.

 

"What can I do for you, Mr. Kim?"

 

Jongin flashed his signature smirk.

 

-

 

_ Good Morning, Upper East siders. _

_ Have you missed me over christmas break? I know I've sure missed you. And now that you're all coming home I can't wait to dish on what you've been up to when you were jet-setting the globe. Such a shame that birthday boy Do Kyungsoo hasn't come back to grace us with his presence yet. Personally, we were looking forward to the annual non-stop birthday party of his and fellow Capricorn Kim Jongin. This looks like smoke to us, and where there's smoke, there's usually fire. Stick around for the deets. _

 

Jongin was pacing back and forth as he waited for Kyungsoo's arrival at Grand Central Station. 

 

God, he had been so stupid, ditching Kyungsoo like that. But he was here now and this time he was sure he wouldn't run away and fall to his old ways again.  

 

The train was arriving and Jongin could feel his hands becoming sweaty with anticipation. His eyes searched for Kyungsoo anxiously as people were exiting the train and he hoped he wouldn't somehow miss him. 

 

And there he was.

 

And Jongin knew. 

 

He began walking towards him full of determination. There was no turning back this time. 

 

But then something else happened, something he hadn't accounted for. 

 

There, behind the boy he had unintentionally fallen in love with was another boy. A boy he knew very well. A boy he'd call his best friend, in fact. 

 

He saw something he had observed many, many times before. Junmyeon put his arm around Kyungsoo's waist as they both leaned in and kissed. In all the times Jongin had watched this happen, it had never felt anything like this, not even remotely. It felt as if someone had stabbed him in his chest, as if his whole world had been turned upside down and someone punched him in the stomach. 

 

Was this what jealousy felt like? 

 

Was this what  _ heartbreak _ felt like?

 

It was an entirely new sensation for him, something he never wanted to experience. It was precisely the reason he usually abstained from anything involving human emotions at all costs. 

 

He tried to swallow the bizarrely huge lump in his throat as he stood frozen in his tracks. And then Kyungsoo spotted him.

 

It was a look filled with disappointment and bitterness and it shot right into Jongin's heart. Kyungsoo's expression quickly turned into a smile as he took Junmyeon's hand. 

 

Jongin wanted to cry. He wasn't sure for what reason he hated himself more; for fucking this up, or for letting himself get this emotionally invested in the first place. He turned around before Junmyeon could see him and walked away, eyes glued to the pavement.

 

_ Spotted: Upper East Side Princes Kyungsoo and Junmyeon back in town and back on each other's arm. Looks like someone's heart is as cold as the temperature outside. Happy birthday, Jongin. _

 

_ - _

 

"You're wearing a gold suit? Why am I not surprised?" 

 

Kyungsoo sat on Baekhyun's bed at the new Kim-Byun residence and watched his friend model said suit in front of his mirror.

 

"It's a masquerade ball, why not go all out?" 

 

He combed through the golden blonde locks of his hair as he observed himself. Now, this was the Byun Baekhyun that everyone knew and loved. And hated. And envied. The boy merely needed to enter a room and everyone's attention would be on him. He was like a ball of light and even if looking at him was blinding, you still couldn't help but stare.

 

"What are you wearing anyway?" 

 

"Black," they both responded at the same time. 

 

"Why am  _ I  _ not surprised? What do you call your style anyway? Goth chic? Funeral couture?" Baekhyun held his mask which matched with the color of his hair and attire up to his face as he jeered at his friend.

 

"Some people don't need to dress in flashy colors to look good," Kyungsoo voiced in the most snarky tone he could muster as he raised his chin and looked at Baekhyun condescendingly.

 

The bell from the elevator chimed. Kyungsoo tensed up as he heard Jongin's voice becoming louder in volume as he entered the apartment. 

 

"I should probably go. I'll see you tonight." 

 

He got up abruptly and didn't leave any room to argue as he departed brusquely and hoped he could somehow avoid a conversation Jongin.

 

Jongin hung up his phone as Kyungsoo walked past him, averting eye contact by staring at the floor.

 

"So you're really back together with Junmyeon?"

 

Kyungsoo stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes. He needed to come up with a response, preferably one that wouldn't let Jongin know how humiliated and hurt he felt for being stood up by him. He put on his best bitch face and turned around, ready for the inevitable dispute.

 

"Yes, I am. And considering the fact that you two haven't talked all break I guess your friendship is over. Looks like you'll just have to go back to paying for the people who give you company."

 

"We've just grown apart." Jongin leaned against the wall in the hallway and crossed his arms.

 

"Whatever you say." Kyungsoo was about to leave when he decided to add something. "Oh and by the way, he's much better in bed than you are." He smiled triumphantly and turned around.

 

"You should have no trouble getting into Yale's theater department." 

 

Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows in question. "What?"

 

The smile on Jongin's face was as cocky as his posture. "I'm sure you delivered a riveting performance when you faked your virginity for him." He didn't wait for a response and left Kyungsoo standing there in disbelief. 

 

_ What. An. Asshole. _

 

-

 

The ballroom was filled with students from St. Jude’s and Constance, though you could hardly tell who was who behind their masks. Everyone was covered in ruffles, lace, feathers and other outrageous over-the-top materials, some even wore wigs or fancy headdresses as part of their costumes. 

 

"Care to dance with the devil?" 

 

Jongin was dressed in a blood red suit, his hair was the perfect kind of messy that you only saw in the pages of a magazine and the top portion of his face was hidden behind a blackish crimson mask with horns at the forehead. 

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t the least bit surprised at Jongin’s choice of attire but decided to make a comment nonetheless. 

 

"Haven't you heard? It's a masquerade ball. You're supposed to wear a mask."

 

"It's the one night I can show my true face." 

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and turned the other way. He was stood at the center of the room, though he was hardly noticeable among the crowd. From far away his black suit looked just the same as all his other ones, but given a closer look, one would find intricate little details which made it rather extraordinary.

 

"You can't honestly tell me phantom of the opera over there is satisfying your needs," Jongin’s tone was patronizing as he watched Junmyeon dance - or at least attempt to - on the other side of the room. 

 

He was a hopeless case with no sense of rhythm whatsoever and the thought that Kyungsoo was sleeping with  _ that _ when he had experienced so much better was truly alarming.  

 

"Well, he is. Not that it's any of your business." 

 

_ Yeah, right. _

 

"Really?" Jongin challenged as he took a step closer to Kyungsoo whose back was turned towards him and leaned close to his ear.

 

"Does he know how much you love having your thighs kissed?" He drawled in that sultry tone that drove Kyungsoo insane as he placed his hand on his thigh, his grip becoming firmer the higher it slid. 

 

Kyungsoo felt shivers down his back when Jongin brought his lips to the other side of his head, this time even closer than before. 

 

"Has he had the privilege of witnessing how rough and needy you can get when you get turned on?" 

 

He didn’t realize that his hand, which he put on top of Jongin’s in order to push it away was now lingering, even clutching as he felt himself melting at the sound of Jongin’s voice.

 

The fingers of Jongin’s other hand carefully touched Kyungsoo’s chin, guiding his head towards him before gliding down his neck. 

 

"Would he even dare saying any of the other kinky shit you're into out loud?"

 

"Stop," Kyungsoo’s voice cracked on the word as it came out more like a plea to keep going than the opposite.

 

Jongin withdrew his hands and gave Kyungsoo some space by taking a few steps back, to which Kyungsoo turned around and looked at him surprised. He felt like he had just gotten pulled back into reality.

 

"You know what I find interesting?" 

 

"No, and I don't care."

 

Jongin disregarded his bluff of a response. "You told me to stop. And I did. And look how disappointed you are."

 

Kyungsoo gulped. "Bullshit." He hoped his mask was hiding how little he believed the word himself.

 

"If he continues to fail making you scream-” Jongin prowled towards him like a wild animal scrutinizing its prey, shortening the distance between them. “-and he will-” He leaned in close, tilting his head slightly, his lips mere inches apart from Kyungsoo’s. “come find me." The corners of his lips briefly pulled up into a smile before he withdrew.

 

Dazed, Kyungsoo headed for the balcony. He was in desperate need of fresh air after what had just happened. He needed to get away from Jongin, from Junmyeon, from Baekhyun, from everyone. He let himself fall into a chair and buried his face in his hands as he let his feelings crash down on him. As much as he hated admitting it, Jongin was completely right. Junmyeon and him just didn’t belong together, even if he was everything he could ever hope for in a guy. Why on earth did he have to fall in love with the biggest douchebag on the planet? It just wasn’t fair. 

 

He stared into the night when suddenly the lights inside the building went out. The skyscrapers, apartment buildings and streetlights in Kyungsoo’s view followed, leaving him surrounded by the darkness of the night. 

 

“It’s a citywide blackout, everyone, don’t panic!” He heard from inside.

 

He looked over his shoulder to see people scattering around, trying to find a source of light and a ways to solve the situation. It matched the chaos that was currently raging inside his head. 

 

But maybe for a while it was ok to just sit and let everyone else worry for a change. He scooted closer to the wall and leaned his head against it as he brought his legs up and hugged them to his chest. 

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed with him just sitting there by himself when someone joined him. He watched that someone place a lit candle on the small table next to him before taking a seat in the other chair. Kyungsoo didn’t have to move his head to know who he was, he could tell just by the color of his suit. To his surprise, Jongin didn’t come to gloat or make another move. He simply sat next to him quietly, both of them letting the cold January air fill their lungs. 

 

The lights seemed to come back on way too soon, signaling Kyungsoo to get back to reality. He blew out the candle and headed back inside, unaware of how Jongin stared after him with parted lips and words he couldn’t say stuck in his throat.

 

Soon enough the clock struck midnight and everyone’s masks came off.  _ Finally. _

 

Kyungsoo stood outside, his hands absentmindedly fumbling around with his mask as he waited for Junmyeon.

 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin’s voice was as gentle as the touch of his hand on Kyungsoo’s arm.

 

Kyungsoo sighed. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”

 

“Look, I know I fucked up.” 

 

Kyungsoo turned to look at him. And there he was, bare faced, no disguise or teasing words or inappropriate advances to hide behind. And maybe seeing this side of him is even more painful and confusing, because Kyungsoo has always known that there was more behind the tough exterior that the world has come to known him as. He knew that deep down, Jongin was just a scared child, lost and unloved, with too many emotions overflowing and undealt with, hidden behind the excuse that he didn’t care about anyone but himself, when the truth was the complete opposite.

 

“I tried to distract myself the whole time you were gone, hoping at some point I wouldn’t feel it anymore, but I still do.” 

 

Jongin hated saying those words out loud. He hated feeling them. And more than that he hated Kyungsoo. He hated that he saw right through him, he hated that he provoked such strong feelings inside him that couldn’t for the life of him be ignored or controlled, no matter how hard he tried. He hated that he made him act upon those feelings. He hated that he  _ cared _ .

 

“Do you have any idea how stupid I felt waiting for you, realizing you weren’t gonna show up?” 

 

Jongin had rarely seen him this vulnerable, this hurt, not even after he found out that Junmyeon cheated on him. It was all his fault. He was to blame for Kyungsoo’s pain and even though he knew apologizing wouldn’t make it okay, he still tried.

 

“I’m sorry. I was scared.” 

 

“Of what?”

 

“That you’d see parts of me that I’ve never shown anyone before.” He blinked rapidly, trying not to let the tears that were slowly beginning to pool in his eyes fall. “Don’t leave with him. Please,” he was pleading, begging for a second chance, even though he knew he didn’t deserve one.

 

“Why? Give me a reason. And ‘I’m Kim Jongin’ doesn’t count.”

 

“Because you shouldn’t.”  _ Because I need you. _

 

“That’s not good enough.”

 

“Because you don’t belong with him.”  _ Because I need you so fucking much. _

 

“It’s not enough. Tell me the one reason why I shouldn’t leave with anyone but you.”

 

_ Because I need you so fucking much, it scares me. _

 

“Three words, eight letters. Say it, and I’m yours.” Kyungsoo wanted to hear it. He  _ needed _ to hear it to know it wasn’t all just in his head. 

 

“I-” And there was this feeling again. This dark feeling that started in his gut and worked its way upwards and flooded his chest, this overwhelming urge to run away that made his hands sweat and shake so hard that his mask slipped from his fingers and landed on the floor.

 

“I-” He wanted to say it. He knew it was true. They both knew it was true. 

 

And yet he couldn’t. 

 

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo interrupted bitterly. “That’s all I needed to hear.” 

 

He picked up Jongin’s mask and shoved it against his chest before he pushed past him. “Here, don’t forget your  _ true face. _ ” 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo stood by his locker and wondered if there was something stuck in his teeth. Everyone had been staring and talking at him since he had arrived at school that morning. He headed for the restroom and studied his reflection in the mirror. Everything seemed fine. He looked the same as always. And then something occurred to him. Pulling out his phone he checked Gossip Girl. 

 

He felt like his entire body shut down when he saw two pictures of himself placed side to side; on the left he was kissing Jongin at his dad’s wedding, on the right he was kissing Junmyeon at the train station. 

 

His hand shot up involuntarily to cover his mouth as he read the text below the images.

 

_ Remember when Kyungsoo broke up with Junmyeon for doing the nasty with his best friend? Seems like he was hungry for some revenge and after satisfying his appetite he went right back to Junmyeon and pretended it never happened. We told you we smelled smoke. And now we’ve got the pictures to prove it.  _

 

-

 

“Tell me it was just a kiss, nothing more.” 

 

Junmyeon was standing in the schoolyard, phone in hand. 

 

Kyungsoo didn’t respond.

 

“I should have known that when you said you wanted to start over you were talking about  _ your _ mistakes and not mine. I felt so awful for what I did and for what? So you could go and betray me just the same?” 

 

He had never seen Junmyeon this upset. 

 

“I forgave you for what you did. And I didn’t betray you, we weren’t together anymore when it happened.” 

 

He knew that what he did was far from right, but Junmyeon didn’t exactly have a lot of moral high ground to stand on either.

 

“Whatever. You should have known better. I’m done with you.” 

 

His inner turmoil was driving Kyungsoo mad. He wanted to cry when Junmyeon walked away.

 

“At least I had the decency not to cheat on you while we were still in a relationship,” he yelled after him with frustration. This wouldn’t have happened if Junmyeon had never cheated on him in the first place, so why was he the one to blame?

 

Junmyeon ignored him and walked past the school gates where Jongin was talking to one of their classmates. He interrupted their conversation by shoving him against the wall.

 

“You slept with him? I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

 

He didn’t need to mention Kyungsoo’s name for Jongin to know who he was talking about.

 

“You guys were broken up. He was lonely and upset. I was there for him.” He tried to remain as calm as possible as he explained the situation to his best friend.

 

“Oh so you cared about him? Is that what it was? He wasn’t just another casual fuck to you like everyone else you’ve slept with?”

 

Jongin could feel the anger boiling in his gut. Sleeping with Kyungsoo certainly hadn’t been a fucking joke to him, unlike his whole relationship with Junmyeon. He wrapped his hands around Junmyeon’s wrists at his throat and pushed him off of him. 

 

“You broke his heart and then you kept rejecting him as if he wasn’t good enough,” he paused as he tried to regain his composure. “You don’t deserve him,” he added quietly.

 

Junmyeon shook his head. “Well, you two sure deserve each other. Do me a favor and stay away from me, both of you.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo pushed the food on his plate around with his chopsticks as he sat at the dinner table. It was extremely rare that he wasn’t in the mood to eat, but today the idea of putting anything near his mouth seemed impossible. His mother who sat opposite of him had already finished her meal when she looked at her phone.

 

“Is this true?”

 

He forced his head up and saw his mother holding up the device. On the screen he saw the article he had seen earlier, the pictures that had ruined his day, his reputation, and now that someone had apparently sent it to his mother, possibly his life.

 

“It can’t be, right?” 

 

She looked back and forth between the Kyungsoo in the pictures and the one sitting at the table. 

“Because that would mean that you’re…” she gulped. She couldn’t even say it out loud. 

 

“And you’re not,” she laughed nervously as her head shook in denial. “Are you?” 

 

Kyungsoo didn’t respond. He wasn’t ready for this. Not today. Not ever. 

 

His mother covered her face with her hands, shocked. 

 

“Oh, my god,” she muttered under her breath.

 

He needed to leave. This table, this apartment, this building, hell, he needed to leave this whole fucking city. 

 

-

 

“Kyungsoo!” He heard a familiar voice as he made his way through the crowd at Grand Central Station. 

 

“How did you know I was here?” He asked the blonde haired boy as he turned around.

 

“Because it’s where I went after what I did. Where do you think you’re going?” 

  
“I don’t know.” 

 

He really didn’t. He had no idea. Somewhere, anywhere where people wouldn’t know his name or face would suffice.

 

“I heard about what happened.”

 

“Everyone knows, the whole school, my mom. My dad left her for another man, she’s never going to look at me the same,” Kyungsoo sobbed.

 

“That’s not true, Kyungsoo. She called me because she was worried. She cares about you. And so do I. Do you remember how you felt when I left? Don’t do the same thing to me. Don’t make the same dumb mistake as me just because of some stupid scandal that’s gonna blow over in a week anyway. You can start over, I’m living proof of that.”

 

Baekhyun brought his arms around him and held him close, letting him cry on his shoulder as he tried to soothe him. Society could be cruel, he had experienced it first hand. He wasn’t going to let people tear his best friend apart like they did him. 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo’s mother paced back and forth in her living room when Baekhyun arrived with her son, who had clearly been crying.

 

“Text me, ok?” Baekhyun smiled at him sympathetically and embraced him again before he left the two of them to talk.

 

"Do you hate me?" Kyungsoo couldn’t look at her. He felt his tears welling up again as he stared at the ground.

 

"Of course not.” 

 

She urged him to sit down on the sofa and wiped his tears with her thumbs. 

 

“I want to apologize for my reaction earlier,” she said when he finally looked at her. “I guess I wasn't ready."

 

"Well, if it helps, neither was I," he sniffled.

 

She pulled her son into a hug. "I'm sorry you didn't feel that you could tell me."

 

"I just thought that after what dad did, you wouldn't understand."

 

She cupped his face with her hands as she pulled back. "You are not your father."

 

"I know,” he nodded. “And for the record, I didn't cheat on either of them." It was important to him that she knew.

 

"I know you didn't. You wouldn’t do that, I didn’t raise you like that." 

 

Kyungsoo could slowly begin to feel his panic subside. The truth was out. His mother knew. And she didn’t kick him out or disown him. She still loved him and something about that made him feel a sense of tranquility.

 

"So, Kim Junmyeon and Kim Jongin, huh?” She began after a while. “You have good taste in men."

 

"Mom!" He stared at her with his eyes wide. She did  _ not _ just say that.

 

She chuckled to herself and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile a little as he shook his head, embarrassed. 

 

Her tone became serious again when she placed her hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. 

 

“I don’t know the details of what happened, but I want you to remember to always put yourself first. Don’t let any boy treat you like you’re not good enough.”

 

“Thank you,” he whispered, trying his hardest not to cry again as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I think I’m just going to focus on school for a while.” 

 

“I think that’s a good idea,” she agreed.

 

-

 

Baekhyun sat on the couch and watched Jongin pour himself a drink as his step-brother’s third visit of the day accessed the elevator.

 

“Busy day?”

 

Jongin responded by shooting a deathly glare his way. 

 

“Jeez, if looks could kill... Shouldn’t you look a little happier after getting laid?” 

 

The lack of a reply made Baekhyun suspicious. He looked back up from the game he was playing on his phone as Jongin gulped down the remaining contents of his glass in one shot, finishing by trying to suppress the grimace his face naturally responded with. 

 

Now that Baekhyun thought about it… the visits weren’t very long, nor was there any noise forcing him to put on his headphones coming from Jongin’s room.

 

“Unless- Are you having... mechanical problems?” 

 

“That’s one way of putting it,” Jongin admitted in a grumpy voice after a long pause.

 

Baekhyun was highly amused. 

 

“You’re so in love with Kyungsoo. Your head knows it, your heart knows it, and now your dick knows it, too,” he couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer.

 

“Is this funny to you?” Jongin shot at him, looking just about ready to kill him.

 

“Of course it’s funny to me, why do you think I’m laughing?”

 

Jongin let out an annoyed sigh. Perhaps it was the alcohol kicking in when something occurred to him.

 

“You do pose an interesting theory though. My body seems somehow stuck on Kyungsoo. Perhaps a last farewell will do the trick, a  _ kiss _ goodbye, if you will.” A wicked smile tugged at his lips. He reached for his coat and headed towards the elevator. “I’ll see you later, hyung.”

 

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. 

 

“Because who needs to take Viagra when you can do Kyungsoo?” He remarked, sarcasm thick in his voice, not that anyone was close enough to hear it.

 

-

 

If Baekhyun hadn’t informed Kyungsoo about Jongin’s plans, he might have had a slight sliver of hope that he came to apologize. But of course he came for one thing. And of course he was up to his same old tricks.

 

“You’re like the male equivalent of snow white,” Jongin discerned in a husky voice as he studied Kyungsoo’s face. 

 

“Hair black as ebony,” his fingers slowly trailed through the thick locks before tracing down the side of his face. “skin white as snow,” He held Kyungsoo’s chin up with his index finger as he admired his features for a moment before he traced his lower lip with his thumb. “lips red as blood. And so delectable.” He leaned in, closing his eyes when Kyungsoo followed his lead. 

 

Kyungsoo began to chuckle before their lips met, leaving Jongin dumbfounded and confused as he reopened his eyes. 

 

“You’re so pathetic,” Kyungsoo condescended. “Baekhyun told me about your-” his gaze dropped to Jongin’s crotch. “-problem.” 

 

He stared at him with incredulity in his eyes. “You really think you can just come around here for a quick fuck after what you did?”

 

Jongin tried to save the situation the only way he could think of. “Who said anything about quick? We can go slow, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

 

“Cute,” Kyungsoo scoffed. “But your lines don’t work on me anymore.” 

 

He turned his back and began to leave, but of course Jongin wanted to have the last word.

 

“Just out of curiosity, how’s your sex life been these past months?” There was a brief pause. “Oh wait- you don’t have one.”

 

“And I don’t need one. Believe it or not, there’s more important things than sex.”

 

“You can’t ignore your desires forever.”

 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m  _ very _ self sufficient.”

 

“You and I both know it’s only a matter of time until you’ll be lying in bed alone, craving for someone to make you feel alive. Face it, Kyungsoo, we’re inevitable.”

 

Jongin didn’t wait for a response.

 

-

 

“You got another B?” Baekhyun asked Kyungsoo who dropped his books on the table, his math test on top. 

 

Kyungsoo was a straight A student, he  _ needed _ to be one if he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and attend Yale. It was his only plan.

 

“I just can’t focus lately.” 

 

He studied the mistakes he made on his test with furrowed eyebrows as he engaged in his habit of biting his nails.

 

Baekhyun pulled his hand away from his mouth, as it was often the only way he would stop. “Will you stop gnawing your hands off? What’s wrong with you? You seem like you’re going through withdrawal. You’re not secretly a drug addict, are you?” He asked, squinting at him.

 

“No. I’m just… frustrated.” 

 

Kyungsoo focused his attention on the paper in front of him and crossed his legs. 

 

There was a long pause.

 

“Sexually?” Baekhyun asked finally.

 

Kyungsoo sighed. Now that it was out, he might as well just complain a little more. “Junmyeon was just so…  _ vanilla _ . Even when I topped he just wanted to go slow all the time.”

 

“Kyungsoo, have you ever looked in the mirror?”

 

“What’s your point exactly?”

 

“You’re a handsome guy. You’ll have no problem finding a one night stand.”

 

Kyungsoo already knew that. But he didn’t want a one night stand, not with a random stranger at least. He - or rather his body - wanted sex with one person, and one person only. And sleeping with  _ him _ was definitely not an option. No matter how much he craved it, his brain knew better.

 

“I’m afraid that’s not going to help.” 

 

Baekhyun didn’t need to know all the details, did he?

 

“You only want Jongin.” It didn’t take him long to figure it out.

 

Goddamnit, was it really that obvious?

 

“The two of you have the same problem, why don’t you just give each other what you want so you can both move on with your lives?”

 

Easy for Baekhyun to say, but what Kyungsoo and Jongin had wasn’t just your average teenage love story; it had become a dangerous game which required a carefully constructed strategy.

 

“It’s not that simple, I can’t just let him win, not that I expect you to understand.”

 

Baekhyun wore an expression that said  _ why-are-you-making-such-a-big-deal-out-of-this?  _ The boy clearly did not understand how high the stakes were.

 

“God, life must be so dull for you without all the scheming and the plotting, how do you keep yourself entertained?”

 

“By watching my best friend and my step brother play a pointless battle of pride, when really they’re just two softies who are hopelessly in love with each other.”

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. _Very_ _funny_.

 

“What would you do if you were in my situation?”

 

Baekhyun didn’t need a lot of time to think about it. “Make him jealous.”

 

“That’s so cliché.” 

 

Baekhyun shrugged. “Maybe, but it’s effective. Come over tonight. Let’s have a sleepover.”

 

A  _ sleepover _ ? Kyungsoo couldn’t tell if this was another one of his jokes.

 

“Baekhyun, we’re not 12 year old girls.”

 

“Just trust me, ok? I have a plan.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo arrived at the Kim-Byun residence later that night, curious what his friend had planned.

 

“I hope you’re not disappointed that I didn’t bring any Hello Kitty PJ’s.”

 

Baekhyun placed his hand on his chest and gasped theatrically as his face seemingly contorted in shock. “I’m devastated.” 

 

Kyungsoo joined him, sitting down beside him on the stairs. “You want to elaborate on that genius master plan of yours?”

 

Baekhyun straightened his back and clapped his hands once before rubbing his palms together like a villain from a cartoon. “Jongin will be here any minute.” 

 

Kyungsoo blinked. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for Baekhyun to explain the next step. 

 

“I thought we’ve established the whole making him jealous part. Aren’t you supposed to be the expert when it comes to scheming?” 

 

“Make him jealous with whom? Is there someone else here?” Kyungsoo’s eyes briefly searched the apartment that seemed empty aside from the two of them. 

 

Baekhyun held his hand up to his chin, forming an ‘L’ with his thumb and index finger and paired it with a goofy grin. 

 

Kyungsoo was not amused. 

 

“You’re not serious.” 

 

He was serious.

 

Kyungsoo was about to argue when he heard the elevator bell chime. He really didn’t have much of a choice.

 

“Fine,” he sighed as he grabbed Baekhyun by his collar and pressed their lips together.

 

The sound of their mouths slotting together was interrupted by Jongin clearing his throat. Kyungsoo deliberately kept his hands on Baekhyun as he broke away to look up at Jongin.

 

“Is this supposed to be a joke?” Jongin asked, face stern as he looked back and forth between the two of them.

 

Baekhyun licked his lips and smirked at Kyungsoo. “Let’s take this to my room, shall we?”

 

“Good idea,” he agreed and kissed him again, fully aware that Jongin was watching.

 

“Baekhyun, a word?” Jongin held him back by the arm and Kyungsoo proceeded to head towards Baekhyun’s room. 

 

Baekhyun slapped his ass for good measure. He was going to regret this.

 

Jongin waited until Kyungsoo was out of sight and kept his voice low. 

 

“We’re brothers now. Does that mean anything to you?”

 

“What Kyungsoo and I have is purely physical, it’s just for fun.”

 

“So? Do you really have to rub it in my face when you know how I feel about him?” He looked hurt.

 

“If you want him, do something about it,” Baekhyun advised him unsmiling. He could almost feel Jongin staring a hole into his back as he walked away.

 

-

 

Baekhyun remained fast asleep as Kyungsoo headed for the kitchen for a glass of water. He couldn’t sleep for the life of him, not when Jongin was in the room right next to him.

 

Kyungsoo admired the New York skyline from the window. He wondered if Jongin was awake too. He wondered if he had actually managed to make him jealous or if he saw right through him. He wondered if things would be different if Jongin hadn’t stood him up in the first place. Would they be together now? Would they be happy? No one could answer those questions for him. He realized there was no point in wasting time thinking about how things could have been. Things were the way they were and there was no way to turn back time and do it over. 

 

He went back to Baekhyun’s room. His fingers had just grasped hold of the doorknob when there was a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin’s voice was a mere whisper, yet enough to make Kyungsoo’s heart beat faster.

 

He turned around to face him, surprised at how tender Jongin’s expression was. It was one of the rare cases he wasn’t hiding behind a facade.

 

“Please, I need you,” his tone was urgent and his eyes pleading. 

 

All it took was one touch and then they were kissing madly, lips tasting and hands touching each other recklessly, trying to make up for lost time. 

 

Kyungsoo pushed Jongin down on his bed, spreading his legs apart as he kneeled between them. His hands massaged the insides of Jongin’s thighs, sliding up further to palm at the growing erection before slipping his hand beneath the silk material of his pants.

 

Next, Kyungsoo decided to try something he had never tried before. He let his hand glide lower, his fingers applying more pressure, but before he could any further, Jongin intercepted him.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

 

Kyungsoo halted his movements. “What? You always get to top, let me for a change.”

 

He was about to continue when Jongin pushed his arm away. 

 

“I don’t get fucked. I’m the one who does the fucking,” he insisted defensively.

 

Kyungsoo should have known. Things were never going to work out the way he wanted. Between them, there were limits and boundaries, not defined by comfort, but by pride. Being real with each other and showing vulnerability didn’t seem like an option and even if they tried, it would sooner or later turn into a power struggle again. If Jongin wasn’t going to concede, then why the hell should he?

 

“Fine, have it your way. Let me know how that works out for you.”

 

Kyungsoo pulled back, ready to leave when Jongin stopped him.

 

“Say it.”

 

“What?”

 

“You know what. Eight letters, three syllables. Say it and I’ll let you be in charge,” Jongin challenged.

 

“That’s not fair.”

 

“Why? You expected me to say it.”

 

Kyungsoo raised his voice. “Yes, and look at all the shit we’ve been through just because you didn’t have the guts.”

 

“Don’t make me out to be the coward when you can’t even say it yourself,” Jongin retorted, tone filled with anger.

 

“I loathe you. How’s that for three words?” 

 

He got up and strode off, refraining from slamming the door solely for the sake of not wanting to wake up the entire household.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo stood in front of Jongin’s suite at the Palace hotel, where he knew he still spent his weekends. He stared at the key between his fingers. Jongin had given it to him shortly before his father’s wedding. Kyungsoo had never gotten to make use of it but he felt like now was a good time. Jongin was occupying his mind to the point he couldn’t sleep, and even when he could, Jongin would haunt him there too. He was fucking everywhere and everything reminded him of him. He wanted him, he needed him, and he would have him, in any way that he could, even if that meant giving up control for one night.

 

Kyungsoo entered the room. “Hello.”

 

“Evening.” 

 

Jongin sat on his bed, legs spread, shirt untucked, his tie hanging loosely over some undone buttons. In his hand he held his signature drink, a scotch on the rocks. 

 

“You look ravishing, as always,” he complimented.

 

“I know. Mind if I make myself comfortable?” He didn’t wait for a response as he slid the jacket of his suit off and neatly draped it over the sofa.

 

“Be my guest.” 

 

Jongin took a sip from his drink. 

 

Kyungsoo pulled off his tie and undid the top buttons of his shirt as he moved across the room towards Jongin.

 

“Did you come to tell me something special?” Jongin taunted when Kyungsoo stood in front of him with his shirt hanging open.

 

“No. As in matter of fact, I’d prefer to keep the talking to a minimum.” 

 

He leaned forward, his face hovering over Jongin’s as he continued to speak in a low voice. 

 

“You need it, I need it. One night. No strings. No games. Do we have a deal?”

 

Jongin stared up into his eyes, lips parted, almost mesmerized as he nodded affirmatively. 

 

Kyungsoo stripped off his pants and boxers and lay down flat on his stomach, waiting for Jongin to make the next move. 

 

He heard the ruffle of Jongin’s clothes as he took them off. 

 

“Kyungsoo.” 

 

Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder, surprised that Jongin hadn’t touched him yet. 

 

“You wanted to top, so go ahead,” Jongin said.

 

“I thought you don’t _get_ _fucked_ ,” Kyungsoo repeated Jongin’s words from last time as he got up from the bed.

 

“I’ve never done it before. I never had any interest.”

 

“Then why are you asking me now?”

 

“Because it’s different with you,” Jongin explained.  _ I want this, I trust you,  _ he added silently in his head.

 

He handed Kyungsoo the lube and lay down on the bed, taking the position Kyungsoo had previously been in.

 

Kyungsoo kissed Jongin’s neck, his shoulders, his back, making his way lower, his hands massaging his thighs and working their way up to spread his cheeks.

 

He pressed a few soft kisses against and around Jongin’s entrance before flattening his tongue against it, lapping at it a few times to get it wet. 

 

Jongin peeked behind himself as he released a sigh. He never knew how good this felt, and it began to feel even better when Kyungsoo began to add his fingers. He fisted his hands into the sheets as Kyungsoo continued to stretch him open.

 

“Turn around,” Kyungsoo urged.

 

Jongin almost didn’t want to, because it would mean that they’d be face to face and there was no place to hide. It was scary letting Kyungsoo in like this. He had already broken down so many walls that Jongin had built around himself throughout the years, and this was no different. Though Jongin kept reminding himself why he built them in the first place, Kyungsoo made him realize that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want to be caged in anymore.

 

He turned around and spread his legs. Kyungsoo shuffled closer and knelt in between them. 

 

He lined his length up with Jongin’s entrance and paused for a moment to read his expression, almost expecting him to say or do something to make him stop. But much to his surprise, Jongin nodded encouragingly. 

 

Kyungsoo slowly began to push the tip past Jongin’s rim and he could feel him tense up beneath him. He knew this was the hardest part, that it would take a few moments until the pain would subside.

 

By now he knew Jongin’s body well enough to know what made him feel good. He began to massage his thighs, rubbing and squeezing them as he leaned forward to kiss his neck. 

 

Jongin slowly began to relax at Kyungsoo’s ministrations. He had had sex so many times with so many different people, but regardless of his experience, this felt entirely different. The more Kyungsoo touched and kissed him as he thrust inside him, the less this felt like just another fuck, and more like love-making, something else Jongin had never done before.

 

Jongin wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s back, pulling him closer, so he could feel his heated skin against his own. He urged him to go faster and kissed him passionately, threading his fingers in Kyungsoo’s hair. 

 

Jongin felt conflicted when Kyungsoo’s eyes were fixed on his own. It was almost unbearingly intimate, yet he couldn’t help but let the words  _ ‘Don’t stop’ _ slip past his lips. 

 

Kyungsoo felt a familiar heat building in his gut, his hips began to snap quickly, his grip around Jongin’s length tightening as he got close. His lips hovered over Jongin’s, releasing a moan as he came. It was enough to push Jongin over the edge too. He clutched onto Kyungsoo’s arms tightly as he spilled over his hand, some of it landing on his stomach. 

 

Kyungsoo cleaned them up and picked up his clothes. As much as he wanted to stay and hold Jongin and fall asleep next to him, he had gotten what he came for, so he figured it was best to leave, before one or both of them turned this situation into something ugly again.

 

“You said ‘one night’,” Jongin reminded him. “Don’t go.”

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t say no. Maybe just for one night, they could be temporary lovers.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo fastened the knot of his tie the next morning when Jongin appeared behind him in the mirror.

 

“What? Are you going to gloat about how you won?” 

 

He turned around and collected his jacket of the sofa.

 

“I didn’t win, neither of us did.” 

 

Jongin stepped closer and took Kyungsoo’s hands into his own, intertwining their fingers. 

 

“We keep thinking that if one of us says those words it’ll be the end of all this, those games we play. But it would also be the beginning of something new, something that I don’t know we’re ready for.”

 

“Maybe we’re not,” Kyungsoo admitted. “But will we ever be?”

 

Jongin rested his forehead against Kyungsoo’s. 

 

“I believe in us. We’ll be together one day, I know we will.”

 

There were tears in Jongin’s eyes and Kyungsoo almost couldn’t look at him, scared they’d both begin to cry and make this even harder than it already was. He closed his eyes and kissed him on the lips instead, trying to savor the moment, because who knew when or if their lips would ever touch again?

 

They looked at each other one last time, eyes exchanging love confessions too heavy for their lips before they said their goodbyes.

 

-

 

_ As I’m sure you’ve read in the newspaper this morning, Kim Chinhwa has died in a car accident. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Kim-Byun family in this time of mourning. _

 

Kyungsoo had decided to come over and express his condolences personally and provide any support that he could. 

 

“How are you holding up?” he asked Baekhyun. 

 

The apartment was decked out with a ridiculous amount of flowers and sympathy gift baskets.

 

“Alright, I guess. Mom, however…” he looked behind him where his mother was currently busy yelling at someone through the phone.

 

“Kyungsoo!” 

 

Mrs. Byun came over to him after ending her conversation. “Oh, it’s so nice of you to stop by.” 

 

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Kyungsoo said as he bowed to show his respect.

 

“Thank you, dear, I really appreciate it,” Mrs. Byun got distracted when room service walked past her, incredulous at the food they had brought. She followed as she began yelling again.

 

“She’s been like this all day,” Baekhyun sighed. 

 

Kyungsoo looked around, a concerned expression on his face. Jongin hadn’t responded to any of his texts or calls and he couldn’t see him anywhere here either. 

 

“He’s okay,” Baekhyun reassured him. “Or well, he’s alive, at least. We called the hotel, they said they keep sending food up.”

 

Kyungsoo nodded. It was a relief but he was still worried. “I just don’t think he should be alone in a time like this.”

 

“I know. But he doesn’t want to see anyone. Maybe he just needs some time,” Baekhyun contemplated.

 

-

 

“Jongin! Jongin!” Baekhyun stood at Jongin’s door at the hotel, knocking repeatedly. “Come on, we’re all worried about you, please open the door?” It had been a good 15 minutes of this and he was starting to get tired.  “Are we going to have to stand here and wait until he gets hungry?” He asked Kyungsoo who had begun biting his nails again.

 

“No, we don’t,” he pulled his spare key out of his pocket. 

 

He really didn’t want to do this, scared of what he’d find behind that door, but today was Chinhwa’s funeral and Jongin needed to attend to show his respect.

 

“Why do you have a key to his suite?” 

 

Kyungsoo gave him a look.

 

“Wait, I don’t think I want to know,” Baekhyun said before Kyungsoo could answer.

 

Jongin sat by the bar, halfway draped over it with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. He had managed to gotten himself dressed, even with his attire looking a thorough mess. He turned his head towards the other two, a look of complete apathy on his face, the skin of which looked unusually pale today. 

 

“Come on.” Kyungsoo said, putting his hand on Jongin’s back. 

 

He didn’t move. 

 

“Jongin, I know this is hard for you but-”

 

“He wouldn’t want me there.” Jongin interrupted, pulling the bottle closer to his body.

 

“Of course he would, you’re his son.” It took Baekhyun a few tries to pry the whiskey from his hands.

 

The boys pulled Jongin out of his seat. Kyungsoo fixed his shirt and tie and combed through disarray on his head to make him look somewhat presentable. Still, Jongin didn’t look like himself with the stubble on his chin and the dark circles that resembled bruises rimming his eyes. It was difficult seeing him like this, but now was hardly the time for Kyungsoo to feel sorry for himself, not when he needed to be strong for the boy he loved.

 

“He hated me. All I ever did was disappoint him. He thought of me a disgrace.” The self-deprecating comments kept coming as Baekhyun and Kyungsoo struggled to drag a stumbling Jongin to the funeral.  

 

Kyungsoo had kept a careful eye on Jongin as they laid his father to rest. He remained stoic throughout almost all of it, staring blankly into the distance as if he wasn’t even really there. 

 

Kyungsoo’s first instinct when they arrived at the gathering after the service was to get Jongin some food to soak up the alcohol in his stomach. 

 

Jongin looked around, watching people socialize, eat, drink, even laugh. How fucking weird was it anyway to have a celebration after someone had died? Did they even care? Did the color of their wardrobe and the picture of his father in the middle of the room somehow make it okay to create an illusion of mourning when they were actually chatting happily? How fucking twisted. He wasn’t going to have any of it.

 

Kyungsoo had just loaded a plate up with food when he saw Jongin step in the elevator. He set the plate aside and followed after him. The door had already closed when Kyungsoo got there. He tapped on the button impatiently as he waited, as if it would somehow speed up the process.

 

The door to Jongin’s limo was already open when Kyungsoo finally caught up to him. 

 

“Don’t go,” he said.

 

“I’m not going back up there,” Jongin shook his head.

 

“Fine. Then let’s leave,” Kyungsoo put his hand on Jongin’s shoulder, a reassuring gesture. “Together,” he added.

 

“We’ve discussed this. We’re not a couple.” Jongin retorted as he shoved Kyungsoo’s hand away.

 

Kyungsoo was taken aback for a second. Didn’t Jongin get it? Didn’t he understand that after all they’ve been through he was still here? Didn’t he get that Kyungsoo wasn’t just going to give up on him, even if anyone else would?

 

“But we’re us,” he began, lifting his eyes off the ground. “Jongin and Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo and Jongin,” he took Jongin’s hand between both of his. “The worst thing you’ve ever done, the darkest thought you’ve ever had, I’ll be there with you, through all of it.”

 

Jongin shook his head. “Why would you do that?”

 

“Because,” There was only one possible way Kyungsoo could think of to put what he felt into words. And right now it didn’t matter if it meant winning or losing. It didn’t matter if he had to swallow his pride or if he was the first one to say it. All that mattered was that Jongin knew. 

“I love you.”

 

Jongin gulped. He blinked repeatedly as he tried to comprehend the words as they rang in his ears. And for a second he allowed himself to feel it. For a second he allowed himself to believe that the words were true and that he was worthy of them. But the small part of him that wanted to fall into Kyungsoo’s arms and finally surrender to him and allow himself to be loved was quickly overcome by self-hatred and inadequacy. He didn’t deserve to be loved. He didn’t deserve anyone. And he especially didn’t deserve Kyungsoo. So once again, he would lie to himself and pretend that he was better off alone and that he didn’t need anyone.

 

“Well that’s too bad.” He pulled his hand away from Kyungsoo’s and got in the car, slamming the door. 

 

Kyungsoo stood and watched him drive away. He felt numb. He felt so numb that he almost couldn’t feel the tears running down his cheeks. 

 

_ Spotted: Do Kyungsoo shedding tears for Mr. Kim. Only question is: which one? _

 

-

 

The sun had set and Kyungsoo headed upstairs to go to bed. He had rarely felt this tired and he was certain that if he would actually manage to get any sleep, his dreams would be haunted by nightmares. 

 

He stopped halfway when he heard something strange. It almost sounded like… a sniffle? 

 

Kyungsoo followed the sound. It seemed to be coming from the elevator. 

 

Jongin was crouched in the corner, his face no longer stoic, but full of sorrow. He looked so helpless. So miserable. So broken.

 

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo said softly.

 

He looked up at him like a lost child, starving for affection, for comfort, for love, his sobs cutting through the silence, tugging at Kyungsoo’s heartstrings. 

 

He sat down next to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Jongin leaned against his chest, closing his eyes, breathing in his scent. His hands held onto Kyungsoo’s arms, begging him to stay, to be there for him because he needed this, he needed  _ him  _ so desperately.

 

His hands were shaking when Kyungsoo helped him to his feet. He kept his arm around Jongin’s waist, supporting his unbalanced steps until they reached his bed. 

 

Kyungsoo stayed awake, watching Jongin, holding him, soothing him, until he cried himself to sleep in his arms. 

 

When he woke up the next morning, Jongin was gone. In his place there was a note. Kyungsoo rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he read it.

 

_ “You deserve better. I’m sorry.  _

_ \- Jongin” _

 

-

 

“Hello, earth to Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun waved his hand in front of Kyungsoo’s face. 

 

“What?” Kyungsoo asked, confused as he snapped out of his daze.

 

“Look,” Baekhyun sighed. “I’m sure he’s fine. He’s disappeared before, hasn’t he? It’s what he does,” he tried to reassure him.

 

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” Kyungsoo said after a moment. He was in denial, acting like he didn’t care, but Baekhyun knew better.

 

Baekhyun walked over to Junmyeon on the other side of the schoolyard as Kyungsoo pretended to be absorbed in his textbook.

 

“Please tell me you’ve heard from Jongin.”

 

There was no response.

 

For the sake of Kyungsoo he had pretended he wasn’t worried, but Jongin’s absence was beginning to concern him too. 

 

“You can’t tell me you don’t care. It’s been two weeks, if you don’t know where he is either, I honestly don’t see any other choice than filing a missing person report.”

 

Junmyeon pulled out his phone and showed Baekhyun the latest text message he received from Jongin.  _ I’m fine. don’t come looking for me _

 

Baekhyun was relieved. “Thank god.”

 

He took the phone from Junmyeon’s hand and took it over to where Kyungsoo was still fake studying.

 

“Look!” he exclaimed as he basically shoved the device in his face.

 

Kyungsoo collected his belongings as the bell rang. “I don’t care. Unlike  _ him _ , I have a future to focus on.” 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo wandered the New York streets, trying to clear his mind. He found himself in front of Victrola, the place it all started. He wondered where Jongin was right now. Maybe Bangkok, that’s where he went when his father had forgotten his birthday for the second time in a row last year. But he shouldn’t wonder. He shouldn’t care. Him and Jongin were never going to work out, it was something he knew in his mind, but his heart was a bit more stubborn. 

 

His introspection was interrupted. A few feet in front of him, a bottle hit the ground. The glass shattered, the contents of it splashing everywhere and staining the pavement. Kyungsoo stared up in shock. On the roof of the building he saw a man trying to regain his balance, clearly impacted by the alcohol. He didn’t need to see his face to know who he was. 

 

Kyungsoo ran up the stairway as fast as he possibly could and hoped desperately that Jongin wouldn’t do something stupid.

 

“Hello, lover,” Jongin rasped indifferently when he saw Kyungsoo at the door.

 

Kyungsoo took a few cautious steps towards him. He didn’t want to scare him or make him mad; the situation was bad enough as it was.

 

“Please get down from there before something bad happens,” he tried.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like you falling.”

 

Kyungsoo stood before him. He stretched out his hand carefully, offering to help Jongin down. Jongin stared at it for a moment. The look of apathy on his face turned into something else, something bitter.

 

“And what would be so bad about that? Don’t you think I know what people say about me? That I’m an embarrassment, an abomination. I would be doing everyone a favor.”

 

Kyungsoo’s heart was racing in his chest, his hands feeling cold and tingly as he climbed up the ledge.

 

“What are you doing?” Jongin looked perplexed at Kyungsoo who now stood next to him. 

 

Kyungsoo took a step closer to the edge and looked down. It was a long distance and even though he wasn’t afraid of heights, it was unsettling.

 

“Don’t,” Jongin pulled Kyungsoo back by his arm. He stared at him wide eyed, a frightened expression on his face.

 

“Why? Because I might fall?” Kyungsoo challenged. “How would it make you feel if I did? Imagine it,” he paused for a few seconds, his face going soft. “Please don’t make me feel that way,” his voice broke as he said the words.

He held out his hand once again and this time, Jongin took it. They climbed off the ledge, helping each other down. Kyungsoo was ready to leave, but Jongin stood still. 

 

“I-I’m s-sorry,” he stuttered, tears falling from his eyes.

 

He got so absorbed in self-loathing at times that he forgot that someone cared about him. Other times he felt that it wasn’t even possible for anyone to care. But whenever Kyungsoo reminded him, he felt it all at once and it was almost overwhelming and he didn’t know how to handle it.

 

Kyungsoo pulled him in a tight embrace. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he cooed repeatedly.

 

-

 

Jongin finally seemed to be getting back to his regular self the following week. Still, Kyungsoo was surprised not to see him at school one day. He checked his phone.

 

_ Jongin: won’t be at school today. the board members of kim industries requested a meeting. _

 

It couldn’t be easy for him to discuss the future of the company. He was only 18 and had inherited a huge amount of money and the majority share of a billion dollar business. On top of that he had to deal with the loss of his dad and every chance of the kind of father-son relationship he had hoped to have one day was gone.

 

Kyungsoo decided to stop by the hotel for moral support. He headed up to the conference room. He opened the door and stopped in his tracks. Jongin sat at the table, shirt hanging open, head thrown back as a girl kissed his neck while a boy was on his knees between his legs, hands currently working to undo Jongin’s pants. On the table stood a half empty bottle of liquor; pills, cigarettes and cigars scattered around it. Kyungsoo’s stomach dropped at the sight. He couldn’t stand another second of this. 

 

Jongin hurried after him, his hand grasping for Kyungsoo’s arm.

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” 

 

After what Kyungsoo had just witnessed, Jongin had the nerve to ask what he was doing here? Is that all he got? Not even an apology? 

 

“I don’t know, trying to care about you? Trying to be there for you?” Kyungsoo exclaimed, unable to hold back his anger.

 

“Look, the drugs, the booze, the hookers, it was all like that when I got here. Someone must have set me up.”

 

_ Un-fucking-believable. _

 

“Oh, and you just had to sit down and indulge in all of it?” Kyungsoo yelled.

 

“Why the fuck do you even care?” Jongin raised his voice to match Kyungsoo’s. “What are you, my wife?”

 

Not even his husband; his  _ wife _ .

 

Kyungsoo felt a wave of rage surging through his body, his hands balling into fist. It took every ounce of composure he could possibly find within him to fight the impulse to punch Jongin in the face. Even if he had done it, the pain wouldn’t come close to the stabbing sensation he felt in his chest.

 

He shook his head. “How dare you?”

 

This was the last straw. He swore to himself Jongin wouldn’t get to see him cry again.

 

-

 

“Mr. Kyungsoo,” the maid knocked at his door. “Mr. Jongin is here.”

 

“Tell him I don’t want to see him.”

 

Kyungsoo had barely finished the sentence when Jongin stood in his room.

 

“Kyungsoo, I’m so sorry about earlier. What I did was awful and I never should have said that.”

 

“I can’t do this anymore. I tried so hard to be there for you and you just keep letting me down. You won’t let me help you and I can’t watch you like this any longer. I won’t let you destroy me the way you keep destroying yourself.”

 

Jongin gulped. “It won’t ever happen again, I swear. Please, Kyungsoo, I-”

 

For a split second Kyungsoo felt an inkling of hope. For just an instance it seemed like Jongin might finally say it. 

 

He looked at the floor, lips still parted. “I’m sorry,” the words were barely above a whisper and disappointing as ever.

 

“Get out.” 

 

Whatever they had, it was over. For good.

 

-

 

_ We all know BBH has been disappointing us all in the scandal department, but fear not. It seems DKS has been on a mission to make up for all of it. We hear he’s been knocking back drink after drink and breaking all the boys’ hearts. What might have caused the sudden change in character, you ask? Rumor has it he only applied to one college and didn’t get in. Lucky for us, there’s a Gala tonight, and the attendees are none other than the crème de la crème of New York’s society. Will Kyungsoo go for total social destruction? Stay tuned for updates. _

 

“So he didn’t get into yale?” 

 

Jongin stood next to Baekhyun as they watched Kyungsoo randomly chime in on conversations, shamelessly interrupting them with rude comments disguised in a lighthearted demeanor.

 

“Nope,” Baekhyun confirmed. “He stole a pair of sunglasses this morning.”

 

“Since when does he wear sunglasses?”

 

“I have no idea.”

 

“We better stop this.”

 

“Good idea.” 

 

“I think you’ve had enough, Kyungsoo,” one of the middle aged socialites told him, hiding her discomfort with an overbearing fake smile.

 

“Of you whoring yourself out to the press? Certainly,” Kyungsoo smiled sweetly.

 

“Excuse him,” Baekhyun and Jongin came up beside him to drag him away from the crowd.

 

“Oh, hey Minseok!” Kyungsoo grabbed onto the man’s arm, pulling him into the conversation. “You guys know Minseok, right?” He wrapped his arm around him.

 

“Unfortunately,” Jongin muttered. 

 

Minseok was a few years older than them. He had given Jongin and Junmyeon their first joints and always invited them to parties, just to use them as scapegoats whenever the cops showed up if things got out of control. On the surface, Minseok appeared perfect to everyone, but Jongin knew he was trouble.

 

“Well, we had sex last night,” Kyungsoo announced, eyes fixed on Jongin,so he could watch his expression drop. “I need a refill,” he said, holding up his empty glass before turning around to find a waiter.

 

Jongin shot Minseok a glare.

 

“He really knows how to let loose in bed,” Minseok commented, staring after Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin rolled his eyes. He was going to put a stop to this.

 

He followed Kyungsoo to the bathroom.

 

“Are you finished yet?” 

 

“Oh, I haven’t even started,” Kyungsoo smirked as he dried his hands. He headed for the door, but Jongin blocked his way.

 

“Acting out isn’t going to help you. You can’t run from what happened. Numbing the pain won’t make it go away, take it from someone who just went through a downward spiral.”

 

“And why would I listen to your advice?”

 

“Kyungsoo, please, just-” He was interrupted mid-sentence when Kyungsoo pushed him against the wall and sank his lips into Jongin’s.

 

“Let’s fuck right here, for everyone to see,” Kyungsoo breathed against Jongin’s lips. “I’m in the mood to be scandalous,” he purred, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth before he kissed him again.

 

In the past, Jongin would have loved Kyungsoo like this; wanton, uninhibited and unworried. But things had changed. Now, he wanted Kyungsoo with all his faults and vulnerabilities. He didn’t just want to be with him physically, he wanted to be there for him emotionally. 

“No,” Jongin said, breaking the kiss. “This isn’t who you are.”

 

Kyungsoo’s expression became serious. “Who I am has never gotten me far. I’d rather be someone else, and leave the old me behind.”

 

“I like the old you,” Jongin confessed, tracing his fingers across the skin of Kyungsoo’s cheek.

 

“ _ Like _ ,” Kyungsoo repeated bitterly. He wrapped his hand around Jongin’s wrist, pulling his hand away and left him standing by himself as he exited the bathroom.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo sat alone on a plastic covered sofa in a dark, empty room of the house that was currently undergoing renovations. 

 

Much to his disdain, he heard the door open behind him.  _ Great _ . 

 

“Hey, you.”

 

He was surprised when Junmyeon of all people sat down next to him. 

 

“Don’t you hate me?” 

 

“I didn’t realize how serious things were between you and Jongin.”

 

“Doesn’t matter now, it’s over,” he said, staring at his feet.

 

“I’m sorry about Yale,” Junmyeon said softly. “Why didn’t you apply to any other colleges?”

 

“Because I thought Yale was the only option. And I thought if I didn’t have anything to fall back on, it would make me work even harder. But then with all the things that happened,” Kyungsoo buried his face in his hands, unable to finish his sentence. 

 

Junmyeon pat his back in an attempt to comfort him.

 

“When did everything get so fucked up? Not too long ago things were so perfect.”

 

“I think things were always pretty fucked up. It just took us some time and a few mistakes to realize it.”

 

Kyungsoo was hit by a wave of nostalgia when he turned to look at Junmyeon’s face and saw his warm smile.

 

“I miss you,” he began. “I miss  _ us _ .”

 

Junmyeon took his hand.

 

“I miss you too.”

 

-

 

“Excuse me, have you seen Do Kyungsoo by any chance?” Jongin asked for what felt like the tenth time. Where the hell did he go?

 

The man he had asked pointed at a door at the end of the corridor. Jongin thanked him before following his directions.

 

It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkness of the room when he opened the door, and once they did, he immediately wished they hadn’t. Because not only did he find Kyungsoo, but he also found Junmyeon, and their lips had found each other’s. 

 

Jongin closed the door and leaned against it. He thought about everything they had been through, about all the times he had lost Kyungsoo and all the times he had let him down and he realized that maybe Kyungsoo was better off in Junmyeon’s arms. Junmyeon might have made a mistake, but what was one faux pas compared to all of his own’s? Not only wasn’t he good enough for him, he wasn’t good for him in general. It was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he had to forget about his selfish ways. He had to let Kyungsoo go.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo didn’t have to wait for the maid to come up and tell him he had a visitor when he heard the piano downstairs being played. It was usually only occupied by professional pianists during their dinner parties, since no one in his family could actually play. Baekhyun would often play it when he came over, either out of boredom or while waiting for Kyungsoo. He usually played joyous or calm melodies, today however, the tune sounded distressed.

 

He stopped when he noticed Kyungsoo coming down the stairs. It had been a while since he worn such a worried expression. 

 

“I need your help,” Baekhyun stated, tone stern. He pulled out his phone and showed it to Kyungsoo. “For the past few weeks I’ve been getting these messages,” he explained.

 

Kyungsoo took the phone from his shaking hand and read the conversation.

 

_ Unknown number: I know your secret. _

 

_ Unknown number: wonder what your friends would think _

 

_ Unknown number: ignoring me? _

 

_ Unknown number: do you think I’m joking? _

 

_ Baekhyun: who is this? _

 

_ Unknown number: :) _

 

_ Unknown number sent a video.  _

 

Kyungsoo pressed play. The video showed Baekhyun in a hotel room. He looked like a drunk mess with disheveled hair and tears streaming down his face as he confessed that he had just slept with Junmyeon and expressed his guilt and how awful he felt. 

 

“Who took this?”

 

“Sehun,” Baekhyun answered quietly after a moment.

 

A new message appeared on the screen.

 

_ Unknown number: maybe I’ll send it to gossip girl _

 

“That little shit,” Kyungsoo muttered.

 

“I haven’t seen him since that night. I have no idea where he’s been or where he is or why he’s even doing this,” Baekhyun shook his head and combed his fingers through his hair.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out.”

 

“We should call Junmyeon and Jongin over.”

 

“Junmyeon’s already on his way here. We had plans.”

 

“I’ll text Jongin,” Baekhyun began to type and stopped mid-sentence. “Actually,” he took Kyungsoo’s phone from him, sent a message and gave it back.

 

Kyungsoo looked at what he had written. 

 

_ I need you right now, come over stat _

 

He glared at Baekhyun. 

 

“What, isn’t that how you talk to each other? It’s the only way he’ll get here quick.”

 

_ bossy, I like it. I’ll be right there _

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes when he read the response.

 

-

 

Jongin arrived within fifteen minutes; a new personal record for him. He paused when he saw Junmyeon sitting next to Kyungsoo on the sofa. This was rather unexpected.

 

“A threesome? I didn’t know you were this kinky,” he said, mainly to amuse himself.

 

Junmyeon responded with a sceptical look.

 

Jongin only spotted Baekhyun as he proceeded towards the other two. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kyungsoo interrupted him before he could make another inappropriate comment.

 

“Don’t,” he warned. 

 

Baekhyun showed Jongin and Junmyeon what he had already shown Kyungsoo and explained the situation.

 

“Well, all of us already know you slept with Junmyeon, so what does he have on you really?” Jongin asked confused. 

 

“There’s something else he knows,” Baekhyun admitted, tapping his fingers on his knee in a nervous manner. “I haven’t been honest about something. You’re all going to hate me.”

 

Kyungsoo squinted. “You slept with my boyfriend and I still don’t hate you.”

 

“Look, none of us are saints,” Jongin added when Baekhyun didn’t reply.

 

“And besides, we’re your friends. We won’t judge you,” Junmyeon reassured.

 

“I- I’m-,” Baekhyun took a deep breath and tried to relax his hunched shoulders. “I’m… straight.”

 

“What?” The other three asked in unison.

 

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Junmyeon claimed. He had sex with him after all.

 

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “How can you have slept with as many guys as you have if you’re straight?”

 

“I haven’t. I just said that so that people would believe me. I only ever kissed boys before and it was never really a problem, I just never felt anything when I did it. And then that night… it got a little out of control and I thought if I didn’t go through with it, someone would find out. It was so stupid of me. I felt so awful after, not only because I hurt my best friend but because I realized that I couldn’t keep pretending anymore,” Baekhyun clarified.

 

For a moment it was silent as they processed the information.

 

Jongin broke the silence. “Or Junmyeon is just so bad in bed that he turned you straight.”

 

“Why is he here exactly?” Junmyeon asked, annoyed.

 

“For plotting purposes only,” Kyungsoo reassured him.

 

“Oh,  _ that’s _ what I’m good for,” Jongin remarked in a sarcastic tone.

 

They exchanged one of their fake smiles which they both knew translated to _‘up_ _yours,_ _too’,_ before Baekhyun interrupted to resolve the tension.

 

“Guys, please.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled at him apologetically.

 

“Why have you never told us?”

 

“Because when we got to a certain age, you all just somehow turned out to be gay, and I wanted to fit in,” Baekhyun shrugged.

 

“I’m not gay,” Jongin commented casually.

 

Baekhyun looked at him. “Yeah, but you’re  _ you _ .”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

“Being scared people are going to find out about your sexuality and treat you differently for it. Welcome to our world, Baekhyun,” Junmyeon pat his shoulder and sighed.

 

“So you guys aren’t mad at me?”

 

Kyungsoo smirked at Jongin and Junmyeon as he got an idea. When any of them felt down, Baekhyun could always cheer them up with his sense of humor, so now that he was the one needing a bit of cheer, perhaps they could try doing the same.

 

“You know, now that I think about it, you always gave off kind of a straight vibe,” Kyungsoo teased.

 

Jongin understood what he was trying to do right away and joined in. “Yeah, I mean, the way he walks and talks has straight written all over it.”

 

“Haha guys, very funny,” Baekhyun rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his face.

  
“I knew he was straight, too. I have really good straightdar.” 

 

The room suddenly fell silent and they all stared at Junmyeon. 

 

“You know, like gaydar?” Junmyeon laughed at his own joke as the others averted their eyes to avoid the inevitable secondhand embarrassment. 

 

They spent the rest of the night piecing together their information regarding Sehun’s whereabouts, discussing the last time they saw him or heard from him, the rumors they had heard and what they had read about him on Gossip Girl. 

 

When it came to scheming, Jongin and Kyungsoo were without a doubt an unbeatable team, whereas Junmyeon and Baekhyun sat on the sidelines feeling pointless. Unable to contribute any further, eventually they decided to leave the other two to it and left.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo was woken up the next morning when the sun shone on his face. His laptop positioned on his legs was still showing the security tape footage that him and Jongin had gotten from the hotel sometime in the middle of the night. 

 

Jongin’s head rested on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, his nose nudging against his neck, their arms tangled and hands loosely intertwined.

 

“Jongin!” Kyungsoo withdrew his arm and shrugged his shoulder in an attempt to wake him.

 

Jongin groaned. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Kyungsoo ignored the funny feeling in his chest and tried to focus on the matter at hand.

 

“We fell asleep.”

 

“Right. Where were we?” Jongin asked groggily. 

 

“We established that Sehun left your suite around 1 a.m., then went to meet up with Baekhyun in his own room and left somewhere at 5 a.m. after Baekhyun had fallen asleep and seemingly he never returned.” 

 

Jongin nodded, his mind still foggy with sleep. 

 

Kyungsoo shut his laptop and shoved it to the side. 

 

“This leads us nowhere. I don’t understand. There’s nothing on Gossip Girl either. It doesn’t make sense, he can’t just have disappeared without a trace,” he massaged his temples as he tried to wrap his head around the information, or lack thereof.

 

Jongin dialed a number on his phone. “I’m calling Yujun.”

 

“Who’s Yujun?”

 

“My P.I.”

 

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “You have a private investigator?”

 

Jongin ceased to understand how this was news to Kyungsoo.

 

“I’m the richest 18 year old in New York, of course I have a private investigator.”

 

He hung up the phone after two minutes or so of sharing all the details they had acquired.

 

“He’ll call me back later when he’s found something,” he informed Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo nodded. “You should go,” he said quietly.

 

Jongin understood. He wanted to tell him again how sorry he felt about everything that had happened, but knowing himself, doing so was likely to yield the complete opposite result, so it was better to not say anything at all.

 

“I’ll call you as soon as I know more,” he told him instead, keeping his voice soft.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo was surprised to see Jongin at his door. He thought they had a mutual silent understanding that it would be better for them to not spend any more time together, so he hadn’t expected more than a phone call.

 

“Sehun’s at the Ostroff Center,” Jongin informed him, handing him Sehun’s patient file.

 

“That explains a lot,” Kyungsoo flipped through the folder, mentally already planning his next step. “I’ll take it from here,” he looked at Jongin. “Thank you for your help.”

 

“Anytime.”

 

“Jongin.” 

 

He looked over his shoulder when he heard his name called.

 

“Why did you never tell me that you weren’t the one to send the Gossip Girl post to my mom?” Kyungsoo wanted to know.

 

Jongin shrugged. “You never asked.”

 

Kyungsoo suddenly felt bad. Jongin was so used to people only seeing the worst in him that it didn’t even surprise him anymore.

 

He tried to find something to say, perhaps an apology, but before he knew it, Jongin was already gone.

 

-

 

Sehun sat alone at a table in a deserted area of the cafeteria of the hospital, same as always. He didn’t understand why his parents had put him here. He hated this place. He didn’t belong here with all these medicated, emotional weirdos. 

 

He picked up the sad excuse of a jello that they advertised as dessert with his spoon and watched it slide off when someone sat down opposite from him without asking. How rude. He lifted his head, an expression of disgust on his face. He froze when he realized who the other person was.

 

“How did you-”

 

“Know you were here? I have my ways,” Kyungsoo said.

 

He pulled out Sehun’s file and placed it on the table.

 

“Those are confidential,” Sehun protested.

 

“Not in our world.” He opened the file to the page that had Sehun’s diagnosis written on it. “So, your doctors think you have depression due to an inability to adjust to new surroundings.” He closed the folder. “You know what I think?” He folded his hands and leaned forward. “I think you’re upset because your parents took you away from all the wealth, the parties, and the excess so you could have a normal, peaceful life. But you don’t want that, do you? You miss the drama, the scandals, belonging to the inner circle. So you act out and pretend you’re some kind of badass, hoping people will put up with your bullshit and see you as a leader.”

 

“It’s my birthright. It’s not my fault my parents decided that this life just wasn’t for them and they had to drag me along to the middle of nowhere.”

 

“So what? You think you’ll earn yourself respect by outing me to my mom? By setting Jongin up with drugs and prostitutes? By blackmailing Baekhyun?”

 

“What? Like you and your friends are such honest, good people? You’re no better than me.” Sehun gave him a condescending look.

 

“We might have our flaws, but deep down we actually care about each other. But you, no one cares about you, do they?” 

 

Minutes went by of neither of them saying anything. Kyungsoo just stared. He stared and stared until Sehun’s discomfort grew, until his illusion of a bitchy exterior cracked and he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. Because all of Kyungsoo’s assumptions were dead on.  

 

“Do yourself a favor and work on being a better person while you have the privilege of being here,” Kyungsoo said. “I’ll do something out of character and let you down easy, but if you fuck with me or my friends again, I won’t be so nice,” he warned.

 

-

 

Graduation day felt surreal. Everything that had happened in the past year felt surreal. The fact that high school had officially ended and Kyungsoo didn’t have any plan for what was next felt surreal. He couldn’t enjoy himself during the graduation ceremony, nor at the gathering after. The sun was beginning to set and Kyungsoo sat on the steps outside, waiting for Junmyeon.

 

He joined him and intertwined their hands. 

 

It didn’t feel right. It hadn’t felt right since they kissed after Kyungsoo had his meltdown a few weeks back. The numerous awkward silences they endured since then spoke volumes and became unignorable.  

 

Junmyeon let go of Kyungsoo’s hand.

 

“Kyungsoo, what are we doing?”

 

Kyungsoo snorted. “I have no idea. Trying to relive the past? Trying to reignite a spark that was never really there to begin with?” He was glad that it wasn’t just him who felt out of place in this relationship. 

 

“High school is over, and so are we, aren’t we?” Junmyeon sighed.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You should be with Jongin. I don’t know all the things that happened with you two but when you’re together, there’s something between you. It’s undeniable. You look at each other in a way that we never could.”

 

“I’m not so sure. He can’t manage to tell me that he loves me, so maybe he just doesn’t.”

 

“You’ve had romantic relationships before, it’s different for him. I mean sure, he’s done his fair share of sleeping around, but that was all physical. I’ve never seen him have feelings or any sort of romantic interest for anyone aside from you, not even remotely. He might be scared and he might fuck up sometimes but I think he really cares about you. And if you give him another chance, he might prove himself worthy of it.”

 

Kyungsoo appreciated his words. Whoever Junmyeon ended up with in the future was a lucky guy. 

 

“Do me a favor,” Kyungsoo began. “Find someone who makes you really fucking happy, okay?”

 

Junmyeon chuckled. “I’ll try my best.”

 

-

 

Jongin looked outside the window in his room when he saw Kyungsoo appear behind him in the reflection of the glass.

 

“Does your boyfriend know you’re here?” 

 

“We broke up.”

 

Jongin turned around.

 

“Why?”

 

“Some people just don’t belong together.” 

 

They walked towards each other with slow careful steps.

 

“What do you think about my suit?” Kyungsoo asked.

 

Jongin was confused by the random question. Regardless, he took a closer look and examined it.

 

“It’s interesting. It seems nice when you look at it from afar but once you get close and appreciate all the details, it becomes even more exquisite.”

 

He touched the lapel, the silk pocket square, the cuff buttons.

 

Kyungsoo slid off the jacket, letting it fall to the floor.

 

“How about now?”

 

Jongin stared at the jacket for a moment before his eyes slowly travelled up Kyungsoo’s body.

 

“Even better,” he said, the tone of his voice sensual.

 

“What about my tie?”

 

Jongin’s fingers moved smoothly across the length of the material. “I admire it.”

 

Kyungsoo undid the knot, pulled off the tie and dropped it to join his jacket.

 

“My shirt?” He began to undo the buttons of it as Jongin touched his shoulder and let his hand slide down his chest and stomach.

 

“I adore it,” he whispered, leaning close to his lips as Kyungsoo finished unbuttoning his shirt.

 

He didn’t allow their lips to touch, not yet, and instead took Jongin’s hands to guide them underneath his shirt, his fingertips grazing the smooth skin at Kyungsoo’s side.

 

“How do you feel about me?” 

 

Jongin blinked and stilled his movements. He realized that Kyungsoo wasn't flirting, and this wasn't foreplay. 

 

He looked into his eyes, lips parted, words stuck in his throat again.

 

"It’s okay if you can’t say it, I understand,” Kyungsoo said after a moment.

 

Jongin’s eyes grew soft as Kyungsoo placed his hands on either side of his face before he continued to speak.

 

“You make me feel things that I never thought I could feel; a kind of passion that should only exist in movies and other fictional works. But this is real, and that makes it so much scarier. I love you, Kim Jongin. I don't want the fact that it's too hard for you to say out loud to get in the way of us being together anymore.” A bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I can wait."

 

Jongin’s heart sped up in his chest. He couldn’t comprehend that Kyungsoo’s feelings matched his own. He wanted so badly to show him, to tell him that he felt it too. His desire to be with him only grew stronger, but as far as he was concerned, Kyungsoo was better off without him. It was something he had to remind himself of time and time again, to not be selfish, to let him go, to let him be happy. Yet after all this time, after everything that happened, they kept gravitating back to each other as if there was a magnetic pull they couldn’t control. And Jongin could only think of one way to put an end to this.

 

He closed his eyes and one last time he would summon his facade, the one that scared everyone away, everyone except Kyungsoo. Until now, at least.

 

"I don't love you. I never have.”

 

He withdrew Kyungsoo’s hands from his face, his expression dark and cold as he continued.

 

“This was never more than a game to me, and I'm not having fun anymore. So I suggest you let go of your fantasies.”

 

Kyungsoo let it all happen. The pain, the frustration, the anger, the despair; he let it all crash down on him because he had grown too tired, too weak to put up a fight. Everything inside him was screaming, yet on the outside he seemed calm.

 

Jongin picked up his jacket and his tie. Kyungsoo took them without a word and without giving him another look, he left.

 

Jongin’s legs gave in and he sunk down on his bed. His hands were shaking, his body felt ice cold. He felt as if the life was fading from him as his world fell apart. He wanted to run after Kyungsoo, to pull him back into his arms and tell him how much he cared and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But he couldn’t.

 

"Why the hell did you just do that?" Baekhyun asked, standing at the door.

 

Jongin began to sob.

 

"Because I love him. He deserves to be happy. I'll only fuck it up and let him down and break his heart."

 

"You just broke both of your hearts."

 

"But he'll get through this. He's strong, much stronger than me. It might take some time, but he'll get over it and he'll find someone else, someone better."

 

He began to wipe his tears as he reminded himself of the reason he had done this.

 

"And what about you?"

 

"What about me? This is what I deserve."

 

It made Baekhyun angry.

 

"Don't this to him. Don't do this to yourself. If you love him, then fight for him. For once in your life, don't just be a coward and give up because you think you're not worth it."

 

Jongin didn’t expect him to understand. It was too late anyway.

 

He hugged his legs to his chest and let himself be consumed the pain. Because there was no amount of alcohol and no drug in the world that could make this go away.

 

-

 

Two weeks had gone by since Kyungsoo got his heart broken. It didn’t hurt any less, but he decided it was time to set his sight on the future and redefine his priorities. He had stopped visiting Gossip Girl, because he didn’t care what Jongin did, or where he was. Or rather he couldn’t let himself care. He was on his way home after saying goodbye to Baekhyun who was heading to Spain for the summer. Junmyeon had already left for The Hamptons with his new boyfriend Jongdae, who he had been inseparable with since he met him at a charity event.

 

Jongin leaned against the wall outside Kyungsoo’s building. Kyungsoo stopped abruptly when he spotted him. He wondered if he could pretend he never saw him and just run the other way. Then again, Jongin was already walking towards him and it wasn’t like he could avoid him forever.

 

_ Once upon a time, there were two star-crossed lovers. We thought their story had ended in a tragedy, but it appears as though we’re about to get another chapter. _

 

"I have a confession to make. What I said the last time we spoke wasn’t entirely true. It wasn’t true at all, actually. I thought it was the right thing to do- letting you go, so you could get over me and be happy with someone else. But since then I can't help but feel like I made a terrible mistake,” he took Kyungsoo’s hand as he stepped closer. “You’ve seen all my demons and you still didn’t run.”

 

“Not for lack of trying.”

 

Jongin could have sworn he saw a hint of grin on Kyungsoo’s lips for a split second.

 

“I know it's selfish but I don't want you to be happy with someone better,” Jongin paused. “I want to be someone better, so you can be happy with me."

 

Kyungsoo nodded. "Is there anything else you want to say?" He asked nonchalantly.

 

"Yes,” Jongin took a deep breath and smiled. “I love you," he said confidently.

 

He pulled him close and kissed him. And then he kissed him again. And again.

 

Kyungsoo tried to suppress the ridiculously huge smile on his face when they finally had to pause for air. "Say it again.”

 

"I love you, Do Kyungsoo,” Jongin gave him another kiss. “I love you,” and another. “I love you so much."

 

"I love you too…. but you already knew that"

 

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing it"

 

_ Looks like these two finally got their happy ending. We've always known they loved each other. And you know you love me _

_ XOXO _

_ Gossip Girl _


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